Good Shepherd Newsletter 5

Staff

Competency 5: Expansion of Skills

Posted by Holy Family Counseling Centers Staff on April 20, 2020

This competency will focus on a priest’s commitment to be a lifelong learner. Seeking to expand their vocations beyond the limits of theology, priests will be encouraged to pursue excellence in business management, human resources, and pastoral counseling. We will explore what is needed to help priests manage these varied responsibilities.


Over the past few months, we have delved into various aspects of priestly life that, when practiced regularly, may add to greater fufilment, emotional health, and overall holiness. Each of the previous competencies: Vocational Resiliency, Positive Fraternal Connections, Sustaining Healthy Lifestyles, and Securing an Identity in Spiritual Fatherhood, has touched upon an aspect of priestly life that has proven fruitful when practiced. The final competency to be discussed is that of expanding skill sets; experiencing vocations as opportunities to continue learning as well as stretching beyond the limits of theology into other areas of vocation.


If you have never heard the phrase “a Jack of all trades” it means an individual who has some level of competency at a number of different skills. If you are familiar with the phrase, then you probably know the quote “a Jack of all trades, but a master of none.” Commonly, this is used in a derogatory fashion, saying that someone may know a little about a lot of things, but does not have any expertise in one particular area. The phrase originated with he term ‘jack’, a Jack was oft en the name given to the common place man at work (a jack-tar was a sailor) and later became a substitute for tools that took over the place of the individual (a jack-frame is a carpenter’s saw horse). Over time in their chosen fields, Jack’s saw so much from other areas that they gained a working knowledge of a number of different areas.


Priestly life is no less a hodgepodge of different areas of industry combining into one. At any given time a priest is an accountant, a budgeter, a boss, a handyman, a spiritual director, a landscaper, and any other number of roles that are required. Arguably, the roles a priest will have to take on may increase according to the resources of the parish they are assigned. With all of this in mind, it is important to remember the entire phrase about Jacks: “A jack of all trades, but master of none, is oft en better than being a master of one.” Throughout the course of the Church, priests have always taken on multiple roles. Th is newsletter looks at ways in which skill sets can be effectively expanded upon.


A. Vocational self-care

In today’s world we hear a lot about self-care. We are told to take time for ourselves so that we can exercise, sleep, relax, and do things that we enjoy. In a world where schedules always seem to be full and we are always connected by technology acts of self-care are often hard to implement. Individual self-care is an important part of life, and we have discussed aspects of this in our newsletter dedicated to sustaining a healthy lifestyle.


Vocational self-care is also an important aspect of living. At some point in your vocation there was a decision made to serve Our Lord. Through seminary and beyond schooling, experience, and other aspects of priestly life have shaped the kind of priest you have become. There is no doubt that many of these aspects have been beneficial. There is also no doubt that some aspects may not have the same shine on them that they used to. Vocational self-care is about keeping the professional side of us well. Is your vocation still motivating and interesting? Do you know how to balance leisure and work-time? Do you feel inspired and challenged?


As a shepherd of God’s people, you protect them, feed them, and help those that are lost. In doing so it is important to remember that you also must know how to administer to the flock. Before you were ordained you felt a calling. In discernment that calling came to fruition and, with Christ as a guide, you live out that calling everyday. Shepherds are constantly on the look out for dangers, for food, and for safety. They remain observant of their surroundings and what the flock will be facing, both good and bad. In short, shepherds are always learning and expanding their knowledge for the betterment of the flock. Shepherds also take time for their own rest. They allow their flock the freedom to find their own food, to handle some dangers on their own, and to get lost and be reunited again.


These periods of rest and rejuvenation are invaluable. As we read in the Gospel of Mark, “And he said to them, ‘Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while (Mark 6:31).’” When we do not make time for what we need, we waste time we do not have. Do you remember why you first felt called to the priesthood? Do you remember the vision of the priest you wanted to be? Are you near or far from that vision? Vocational self-care involves grasping on to that vision and finding ways to bring yourself closer to it. The reality of any vocation or job is often different from our expectations, but it does not have to be completely different. Here are a few ideas to increase vocational self-care.

A black and white grid with a few words on it

B. Types of Skill Sets

Generally, there are two types of skills used in work: soft skills and hard skills. Soft skills are those that we can use in any job. They are the interpersonal skills and personality traits that we carry with us all of the time. These skills make up the basis for how we communicate and work with others. Soft skills include:

A table showing the different types of conflicts

Soft skills make up the “who” of our work personas. They are transferrable and appear in many of the different roles that we may have to take on. Soft skills develop over time, they are integral parts of our personalities and morals and often develop as we grow and mature. Soft skills can be expanded upon by increasing contact with others through team-building activities, support groups, friendships, or mentorship. Moving through life connected to others allows us a chance to grow who we are in many different ways:


1. Be open to feedback. Not all criticism is negative, it can help us grow when we are open to receiving it. Focus less on how criticism is delivered and discover what the message is. Listening to superiors, colleagues, employees, and parishioners allows for a well-rounded way to learn.


2. Communicate often. Effective communication benefits everyone. Communicate about tasks involved with your vocation and those outside of it as well. Take advantage of the different modes of communication available to you. Face-to-face communication is always important. We can also utilize emails, text messages, and presentations as a way to communicate with others. Keep in mind how you address others, if your message is clear, and notice how others communicate with you to develop a style of communication that works for you.


3. Adapt to workplace changes. As with any type of work, there are going to be fluctuations that occur in placements, staff changes, and procedure changes (as seen by our response to Covid over the last year). Try not to view changes as negatives, but rather as opportunities to implement new ideas, change procedures that are out-dated, and to learn how others around you adapt to the fluidity that is introduced.


4. Be observant. Notice how others around you, no matter their role, handle their vocations or work roles. Notice what things you can adapt into your own soft skill repertoire and make adjustments as needed. We can all get stuck in ruts, the more open we are to observing others and learning new ideas from how they operate, the less likely we’ll be stuck in a rut longer than we need to be. Hard skills are the skills that relate directly to how we do tasks. These are the skills that come with specific schooling, training, and experience.


Hard skills are the “what” of our vocations. Each role within your vocation requires a different set of hard skills. These skills may transfer between roles but often do so less easily then soft skills. For example, during a budget meeting any experience you have in accounting or budget management is a hard skill. Developing hard skills is more direct than developing soft skills. Most of us can recognize areas where there might be a gap in our ability to perform certain tasks. When we are honest with ourselves it makes it much easier to address these deficits.


1. Ask for advice. Openness to learning new skills is extremely important. Look at your network and determine which people in your life could offer advice. Perhaps it is a fellow priest that does well in one area, perhaps it is a friend or family member that excels within their own vocation. Asking for and following the advice of others is a great way for us to determine which skills can be expanded upon.


2. Take a class. Developing hard skills often means taking the time to learn something new. Professional development courses are often available for free and can teach us new skills in relatively short amounts of time. Learning new skills and techniques through short classes is a positive way to expand our hard skills while also refreshing the way we view certain aspects of work and vocation.


3. Set a goal. In the daily flow of life, it is easy to get lost in the current. Step back and look at areas you would like to improve upon. When those are identified set yourself a small goal and the steps you are going to take to reach it. Taking the steps to achieve a goal may lead to more positive outcomes and make success achievable.


C. Remaining Curious.

Perhaps one of the most important attitudes to maintain when expanding ones vocational or work skill set it that of curiosity. Vocations are what we strive to do in life, and they involve many different titles and responsibilities as we travel along our chosen path. As human beings we crave the familiar and not without reason, it surrounds us with feelings of safety and contentment. However, in our daily work, familiarity can lead to repetitive daily routines and feeling unsatisfied. As we read in Romans 12:2 “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Curiosity leads to learning, it is an active state of interest and wanting to know about something. Curiosity allows us to embrace circumstances that are unfamiliar and, in doing so, give us the opportunity to discover new experiences and find joy.


Numerous studies show that curiosity is linked to intelligence and learning. When we are curious about a topic we are more likely to learn about it quicker. Curiosity primes our brains for learning and helps to push us towards completing gaps in our knowledge. When we ask advice of others, we are more likely to discover those gaps and do something to correct them. Curiosity can also be helpful in how we relate to others. When we are curios about people’s lives, or they are curious about ours, it leads to levels of personal growth. Those that remain curious often end up not being bored, they are able to see new possibilities and due to an inquisitive nature, often find greater satisfaction in their pursuits.


The attribute of creativity often goes hand-in-hand with curiosity. Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, described creativity as, “a central source of meaning in our lives … most of the things that are interesting, important, and human are the results of creativity … [and] when we are involved in it, we feel that we are living more fully than during the rest of life.” Creativity is often associated with the arts, like drawing, painting, writing, or music. However, creativity goes beyond these traditional activities. Creativity is about finding meaning and fulfillment in any activity. Early in life you were probably encouraged to be creative. As a matter of fact, we always encourage the creativity of children and ask them to extend beyond their boundaries to discover aspects of themselves and their environments that they do not know.


As adults, we should not let go of this idea. What were some creative things you did or wanted to do as a child? Try to recall times in your life where you didn’t get a chance to be as creative as you wanted and go for it. In today’s parlance we often hear this as “thinking outside the box.” The phrase is used enough that it may have lost the punch it was designed to deliver. In thinking outside of the box we give ourselves the chance to keep engaged with ourselves, reduce our stress, and improve our skills. Creativity helps us to center our lives around God’s presence; it is viewing the world not through the world’s lens but through the lens of the Divine Creator.


Jacks of a trade started out as men who did not know what they were doing. They had to learn the skills of their trade and in doing so would see others learning skills in other trades. Through this experience, skill sets were slowly expanded. The process of leaning into a vocation, learning about it, and continuing to expand within it is not easy. Constant work on self-care, both personal and vocational, is needed to keep the mind, body, and spirit refreshed. Curiosity assists in this, and creativity bolsters the process. Expanding our skill sets starts with understanding what skills are needed. The role of a priest is ever-changing. Many different hats need to be worn and those hats sometimes change multiple times in a day. Reminding yourself to remain adaptable, to ask for advice, and to live as a constant learner will go a long way in making change a little easier.

By Peter Attridge, PhD, LMFT August 18, 2025
Marriage, within the Catholic tradition, is more than a civil contract; it is a sacred covenant—a sacrament that mirrors Christ's love for the Church. This divine institution calls couples to a life of mutual self-giving, fidelity, and openness to life. However, the journey of married life is not without its challenges. Even the most devout couples may encounter periods of difficulty, whether due to communication breakdowns, emotional distance, or external stresses. In such times, marriage therapy can serve as a beacon of hope, offering tools to rebuild and strengthen the marital bond. This article delves into the intersection of therapeutic practices and Catholic teachings, exploring how professional counseling can align with and enhance the sacramental understanding of marriage. The Catholic Understanding of Marriage At the heart of Catholic doctrine is the belief that marriage is a sacrament instituted by Christ. As outlined in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, "The marriage covenant, by which a man and a woman form with each other an intimate communion of life and love, has been founded and endowed with its own special laws by the Creator" . This covenant is characterized by three essential goods: unity, indissolubility, and openness to fertility.( Vatican , USCCB ) Unity Marriage unites a man and a woman into "one flesh," transcending individual desires to form a singular, harmonious partnership. This unity is not merely physical but encompasses emotional, spiritual, and intellectual dimensions. It calls for a deep, abiding connection that reflects the unity between Christ and His Church. Indissolubility The Catholic Church teaches that marriage is a lifelong commitment. Jesus' words, "What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder" (Mark 10:9), underscore the permanence of the marital bond. This indissolubility is not contingent upon circumstances but is a testament to the enduring nature of divine love.( St. Charles Borromeo ). Openness to Fertility Marriage, in its fullest sense, is ordered toward the procreation and education of children. The Catechism states, "Children are the supreme gift of marriage and contribute greatly to the good of the parents themselves" . Even couples who are unable to have children can live out this openness through acts of love, hospitality, and service.( Vatican ). The Role of Therapy in Strengthening Marriages While the sacramental understanding of marriage provides a spiritual framework, therapy offers practical tools to navigate the complexities of married life. Professional counseling can help couples address issues such as communication breakdowns, emotional disconnection, and external stresses. Therapists employ various modalities to assist couples in strengthening their relationship a few of which are included below: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) Developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, EFT is grounded in attachment theory and focuses on the emotional bond between partners. It aims to identify negative interaction patterns and replace them with positive cycles of interaction. EFT has been shown to be effective in treating relationship distress and fostering secure emotional bonds .( Verywell Mind ) The Gottman Method Based on extensive research by Drs. John and Julie Schwartz Gottman, this method emphasizes the importance of building a sound relationship foundation, managing conflict constructively, and creating shared meaning. It provides couples with practical tools to enhance communication and deepen intimacy .( Verywell Mind ). Imago Relationship Therapy Developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, Imago Therapy focuses on transforming conflict into healing opportunities. It encourages partners to understand each other's childhood wounds and how they influence current relationship dynamics. The therapy employs structured dialogues to promote empathy and understanding .( Verywell Mind ) Integrating Therapy with Catholic Teachings Therapy and Catholic teachings are not mutually exclusive; rather, they can complement each other in fostering a thriving marriage. Catholic couples can integrate therapeutic practices with their faith by: Engaging in Shared Prayer: Regular prayer together invites God's presence into the relationship, fostering spiritual intimacy. Participating in the Sacraments: Regular reception of the Eucharist and the Sacrament of Reconciliation strengthens the couple's bond and commitment. Living Out Catholic Values: Practicing virtues such as patience, kindness, and forgiveness aligns with both therapeutic principles and Catholic teachings. Seeking Pastoral Support: Engaging with a parish priest or spiritual director can provide guidance and support in living out the sacrament of marriage. By integrating therapy with Catholic teachings, couples can cultivate a deeper, more resilient, and more loving union that reflects God's own love. Marriage, as envisioned in the Catholic faith, is a sacred covenant that calls couples to live out a love that is self-giving, faithful, and open to life. While challenges are inevitable, therapy offers couples the tools to navigate these difficulties and strengthen their bond. By integrating therapeutic practices with Catholic teachings, couples can build a marriage that not only endures but thrives, becoming a testament to the love of Christ for His Church. Every relationship faces seasons of struggle, and seeking support is a sign of strength—not failure. Whether you're looking to improve communication, rebuild trust, or simply grow closer, we’re here to help. At Holy Family Counseling Center we offer couples therapy rooted in empathy, honesty, and proven tools to strengthen your connection. Reach out today and let’s work together to nurture your marriage.
By Peter Attridge, PhD, LMFT August 15, 2025
Grief & Hope: Therapy and Catholic Teachings on Loss and Eternal Life Grief is something that touches all of us eventually. It may arrive suddenly with the death of a loved one, linger quietly through the end of a relationship, or follow the quiet disappointment of a long-held dream falling apart. Whatever the cause, the pain of loss often arrives uninvited and stays longer than we expect. It can leave us feeling like the ground beneath our feet has shifted, upending our sense of security, meaning, and identity. In these moments, therapy offers a way to make sense of the pain, to find meaning in suffering, and — slowly but surely — to begin healing. For people of faith, particularly within the Catholic tradition, grief is not something to be merely endured. It’s something that can be transformed through the lens of Christ’s death and resurrection. By combining psychological support with theological hope, the journey through grief can become not just a passage through sorrow, but also a path toward deeper love, connection, and peace. The Complexity of Grief: Not a Straight Line One of the most common misconceptions about grief is that it follows a predictable sequence. Many of us are familiar with the "five stages of grief" — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages, first introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, are helpful in recognizing the emotions involved in loss, but they’re not a strict roadmap. Real grief is messy (see our blog article here ). It doesn’t move in a straight line. Some days, you might feel like you’ve made peace with the loss; on others, a small memory can unravel you unexpectedly. Therapists understand this complexity. In therapy, you’re given a space to express the full range of your emotions without judgment. That in itself can be healing—being able to cry, vent, or sit silently and just be seen. Many therapists use grief specific approaches to help people understand the depth of their emotions and develop tools to cope. These approaches focus not only on processing the pain but also on exploring the significance of the relationship that was lost and the meaning that can still be drawn from it. For some, however, grief becomes more than sorrow. It becomes stuck. This form of suffering, often referred to as complicated grief or prolonged grief disorder (PGD), involves intense, long-lasting emotions that disrupt daily life and relationships. These symptoms can include persistent yearning, preoccupation with the loss, emotional numbness, or an inability to experience joy. When grief lingers and paralyzes rather than gradually integrates into life, therapy becomes not just helpful—it becomes essential. In these more complex cases, the goal is to help individuals accept the reality of their loss while reengaging with life in meaningful ways. It’s not about forgetting or moving on. It’s about learning to carry grief differently—to make space for both sorrow and hope. A Catholic Lens on Death, Loss, and What Comes After While therapy addresses the psychological and emotional dimensions of grief, Catholic theology speaks to the spiritual side of the experience. Our faith doesn’t deny the sorrow of death. It fully acknowledges the pain of separation, the weight of absence. But it also insists—gently but firmly—that death is not the final word. At the heart of our faith is the resurrection of Christ. This central truth shapes how Catholics understand death—not as an end, but as a passage to new life. In the Gospel of John, Jesus offers the words that echo across centuries: “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live” (John 11:25–26). These words are not a dismissal of grief; they are an anchor in the storm of sorrow, a promise that love is stronger than death. This belief is not just abstract theology. It’s woven into the very rituals that surround death. Catholic funeral rites, including the Vigil, the Funeral Mass, and the Rite of Committal, are structured to help mourners grieve, pray, and hope. The Mass of Christian Burial is both a farewell and a celebration. It entrusts the soul of the deceased to God’s mercy while comforting those left behind with prayers, Scripture, and the Eucharist—a visible sign of Christ’s victory over death. We also draw comfort from the communion of saints—the belief that the faithful, living and deceased, remain united in Christ. This sense of connection helps many people feel that their loved ones are not lost to them, but remain close in spirit, interceding and awaiting reunion in eternal life. It transforms the relationship, but it does not sever it. According to The Catholic Free Press, prayer during and after the funeral, the support of the faith community, and the hope of resurrection all contribute to easing the sting of grief. This hope doesn’t erase the sadness, but it surrounds it with meaning. Finding Healing in the Integration of Therapy and Faith What’s truly powerful is the way that therapy and faith can work together in times of loss. You don’t have to choose between the two. In fact, integrating both can offer the most comprehensive support. Therapy provides the space to wrestle with painful emotions, while faith gives language to mystery, sorrow, and redemption. Some therapists incorporate a client’s spiritual beliefs directly into the therapeutic process. A Catholic might be invited to reflect on Scripture, to write a letter to their loved one as a form of prayer, or to explore the concept of redemptive suffering—that even in our pain, we are united with Christ. These spiritual practices can offer comfort and a sense of sacredness during a time that might otherwise feel chaotic and empty. Faith can also inspire action in grief. Many people find healing in honoring their loved one through acts of love and service—volunteering, creating something meaningful, or simply continuing traditions that keep memories alive. These acts don’t make the grief go away, but they help reframe it as something that can shape your life with beauty and purpose. Community plays a vital role here too. Being part of a parish, attending grief support groups, or simply leaning on trusted friends in faith can make an incredible difference. Shared prayer, communal rituals, and simply being around others who “get it” can bring relief that is both emotional and spiritual. Moving Through Grief Toward New Life It’s important to remember that healing doesn’t mean forgetting. Love doesn’t end when someone dies. It changes form. Grief is a sign of love, and love, in the Catholic tradition, is eternal. This perspective is beautifully echoed in the words of St. Augustine: “If you knew the gift of God and what heaven is... wipe away your tears and weep no more if you love me” ( Our Sunday Visitor ). These aren’t instructions to suppress sorrow, but reminders that death is not the end of the story. When we allow ourselves to grieve fully, supported by therapy and guided by faith, we begin to see how grief itself can be transformed. It doesn’t go away, but it becomes lighter, more manageable. It makes room for joy again, for connection, and for a deeper appreciation of the people still present in our lives. In time, those who grieve may find themselves living not in spite of loss, but in honor of it—carrying forward the love they received, guided by the hope of eternal reunion, and strengthened by the compassionate tools of therapy and the enduring promises of their faith. Final Reflection Grief will never be easy, but it can be holy. It can be a time of brokenness and also of deep transformation. With the help of compassionate therapists and the enduring light of Catholic hope, it is possible to find meaning, peace, and even renewal in the shadow of loss. You don’t have to go through this alone. Whether it’s sitting with a therapist, lighting a candle at Mass, whispering a prayer through tears, or simply reaching out to someone who understands—every small step matters. Together, therapy and Catholic theology remind us that grief is not a sign of weakness or failure. It is a testament to love. And love, in the end, is what endures. Healing begins with connection—and taking the first step can be the hardest part. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, stuck, or simply curious about how therapy could help, we invite you to connect with us at Holy Family Counseling Center. Our team is here to listen, support, and walk alongside you with care and intention. Send us a message or give us a call—we’re ready when you are.
July 10, 2025
Holy Family Counseling Center therapist, Irene Rowland, LPC will be supporting The Way Retreat with Sue Stubbs, MS, NCC