Smart Parenting in the Smartphone Era Part I: Know the Risks

Wendy Baribeau, MS, LAMFT

 Part I: Know the Risks

Smart Parenting in the Smartphone Era Part I: Know the Risks

By Wendy Baribeau, LAMFT


Many Catholic parents have decided to give their children computers, smartphones and tablets for a variety of reasons. While nearly all schools in this country, including Catholic ones, have embraced the belief that technology aids learning, most parents are not fully aware of the dangers that unsupervised internet usage creates.


Every day, kids and teens seemed to be glued to their smartphones and devices. Although most parents have a general concern about internet content, lack of offline interests, and attention-span issues, they may not understand the alarming risks that recent studies have revealed. Understanding the risks and admitting your children are vulnerable is the first step to protecting them.


Risk One: Mental Health Disorders are Rising

In 2008, most American teenagers owned a smartphone. Since that time, we have seen an increase in mental health disorders among our nation’s teens. Here are the main concerns:

  • Suicide. Teen suicide rates have increased 56 percent since 2007. Teens who spend three hours or more per day on electronic devices are 35 percent more likely to have at least one suicide risk factor, including hopelessness, lack of meaning, or lost interest in life. Children taking their life by suicide at younger ages today than ever before.
  • Anxiety. Research shows risks of mental health disorders increase with screen time of two hours or more per day.
  • Addiction. A recent research study imposed a 24-hour media abstinence period. These teens reported feeling “paralyzed, going crazy, emptiness, tortured, and insecure,” all of which are classic withdrawal symptoms from substance abuse and dependency.

Risk Two: Underdeveloped Brains More Susceptible

An individual’s brain is not fully developed until age 25. The frontal lobes, which handle judgment, insight and impulse control, are the least mature region of the teenage brain. In addition, a little bit of stimulation to a growing teenage brain leads to strong craving for more rewards that can easily become an addition. This explains why teens become addicted to things quicker and recovery is harder.


Interestingly, 70 percent of teens say they want parents to set online filters, although they probably won’t tell their parents directly. Perhaps this is because God created an ordered relationship between parents and children. According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, “the fourth commandment …. requires honor, affection, and gratitude toward elders and ancestors.” (CC2199)


In addition, “this commandment includes and presupposes the duties of parents, instructors, teachers, leaders, magistrates, those who govern, all who exercise authority over others or over a community of persons.” (CC2199)

We cannot rely on teenagers to monitor themselves. Parents have a moral obligation to protect their children and teenagers from these dangers.


Risk Three: Pornography More Dangerous Than Ever

Pornography may be one of the most common concerns for Catholic parents today. The Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches that:


“Pornography consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties. It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act, the intimate giving of spouses to each other. It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants (actors, vendors, the public), since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit profit for others. It immerses all who are involved in the illusion of a fantasy world. It is a grave offense.” (CC2354)


However, pornography exposure goes way beyond even these serious moral offenses today. Here are some growing issues:

  • Age of Exposure. The age when children are viewing pornography for the first time is getting younger. The average age children are seeing porn today is 11 years old, and children rarely tell their parents.
  • Wrong Perspective. In addition, most teens don’t think porn is bad for society, and many view it as sex education.
  • Portrayal of Sex. The content of modern porn is not about sex but violence, degradation of women, and the most extreme sexual acts. The violence, aggression and rape in porn has undoubtedly contributed to the #MeToo culture we live in today.
  • Addiction. Pornography is extremely addictive and both teens and adults find it incredibly hard to stop.
  • Sexual Problems. Porn contributes to erectile dysfunction and sexual aggression, including child on child.
  • Mental Health Problems. Porn increases ADHD symptoms, depression, loneliness, and anxiety.
  • Fuels Child Pornography. Adult pornography fuels the demand for child porn and human trafficking. Children and teenagers are making porn themselves and at times, uploading it to social media. The porn industry makes over $100 billion dollars per year and is aggressively marketing to young potential customers. Large, powerful technology companies are accomplices.

Risk Four: Social Media Magnifies Peer Pressure

Although social media use is not as addictive as pornography, it introduces a new level of problematic peer pressure. Snapchat brags on its website that its daily active users open the app on average 25 times per day. Here are common social media issues:

  • Fear of Missing Something. Teens are naturally worried about missing out, but social media magnifies this fear with 24/7 pressure to keep up. This results in feelings of loneliness and marginalization.
  • Cyberbullying. Cyberbullying can be traumatic and extremely hostile including comments such as “you should kill yourself.”
  • Sexting. Not only is this morally problematic, but it is illegal for teens to possess nudes of anyone under the age of 18.
  • Perfectionism. Photoshop-style filters on Snapchat create an unrealistic standard of “beauty” for young girls.
  • Uneducated Education. Teens are “educating” other teens about sensitive and complex topics such as eating disorders, abortion, depression, cutting, medications, and LGBT issues.

Risk Five: Video Games Fuel Addiction and Dangerous Behavior

In June 2018, the World Health Organization classified “gaming disorder” as a mental health disorder because the effects of excessive gaming are severe. Gaming is highly addictive. More symptoms of ADHD were found in adolescents who played video games for one hour per day. Some of the most popular games include extreme violence, porn, theft, and gambling. Many modern games encourage isolation. Recent studies show correlation between violent video games and physical aggression.


Risk Six: Sophisticated Predators Lurk

The internet has been a boon for pedophiles, sex offenders and predators due to its anonymity and accessibility to kids. Many kids and teenagers enjoy meeting “new friends” or, to parents, “creepy strangers” online. Many even prefer it over face-to-face communication.


Predators are notoriously patient and methodical in the grooming process. They use pornography to lure kids and teens. They use social media sites, email, and gaming chat rooms to slowly build a relationship with unsuspecting or lonely children. Many young girls are harassed for nudes on social media but are too embarrassed to tell an adult. Teenagers can “fall in love” with someone they have never met in person.


Risk Seven: Problematic Programming

Failing to supervise children in selecting TV, movies and videos online creates another risk. Many TV shows and movies rated 13+ will have sex, violence, drug and alcohol use, mental illness, and dangerous pranks without portraying any realistic consequences.


In 2018, Netflix aired a TV series called “13 Reasons Why” that glamorized the story of a teen girl who died by suicide, ignoring the laws on responsible suicide reporting by media companies. Videos on YouTube and YouTube for kids are not censored and showcase the best and worst of humanity from around the globe. Teens watching dangerous pranks and dares often try to imitate them.


Many issues associated with children and teens’ modern use of smartphones can be considered scandalous, and parents have a moral obligation to take action. According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, “Scandal can be provoked by laws or institutions, by fashion or opinion. Therefore, they are guilty of scandal who establish laws or social structures leading to the decline of morals and the corruption of religious practice, or to social conditions that, intentionally or not, make Christian conduct and obedience to the Commandments difficult and practically impossible.” (2286)


Next Week: Practical tips for parents on using internet filters, adding parental controls, managing screen time, and more.

For more information about Wendy or her team, please visit Holy Family Counseling Center.

When and How to Make Amends: Discernment, Boundaries, and the Catholic Call to Healing

By Peter Attridge, PhD • November 11, 2025
As a Catholic therapist, I often sit with clients who are wrestling with a deeply human question: When is it the right time to make amends ? Whether it’s reaching out to someone who has hurt them, or considering their own responsibility in a fractured relationship, the process of healing often leads us into the tender territory of reconciliation. But forgiveness and reconciliation aren’t the same thing. Forgiveness is something we’re called to offer freely—an act of the will that releases resentment and gives us peace, even when the other person hasn’t apologized. Reconciliation, on the other hand, is a step that involves two people. And discerning when—or even if—that step should be taken requires wisdom, prayer, and often, boundaries. Let’s explore how we can approach this process with care and courage, supported by both therapeutic tools and the richness of our Catholic faith. Discerning the Right Time to Make Amends Discernment is a familiar concept in Catholic life. We use it to seek God's will in big decisions—vocations, careers, relationships. But it’s just as important in the smaller, more personal moments too, like choosing when to reach out to someone who has hurt us, or someone we may have hurt. Therapy can be a valuable space for this kind of discernment. Sometimes the desire to make amends comes from a sincere place of healing and readiness. Other times, it may be driven by guilt, pressure, or a longing for closure that the other person may not be able to give. In our sessions, I often help clients explore their motivations. Are you seeking peace, or permission? Healing, or validation? Discernment is about honesty—with yourself, with God, and with your emotional limits. St. Ignatius of Loyola offers a helpful framework for discernment rooted in prayerful reflection, noticing the movements of the heart. If the thought of reconciliation brings a sense of peace, courage, and compassion, it may be time. If it stirs anxiety, dread, or a sense of obligation, it may be wise to wait, or to approach things differently. The Role of Boundaries in Forgiveness and Healing One of the most common misconceptions I hear, especially among people of faith, is that setting boundaries is somehow un-Christian. But in truth, boundaries are acts of love —toward ourselves and others. They help define what is safe, respectful, and life-giving in a relationship. Forgiveness does not mean allowing someone to continue harming us. Christ calls us to forgive, yes, even “seventy times seven” times (Matthew 18:22), but He does not call us to abandon prudence or endure abuse. Remember, even Jesus withdrew from hostile crowds at times (John 10:39), and He taught that reconciliation involves both repentance and change (Luke 17:3-4). In therapy, we often work on developing “healthy boundaries” that allow us to engage with others from a place of strength and safety. For example, it’s okay to forgive a parent for past wounds without allowing them to manipulate your present life. It’s okay to love a sibling from a distance if closeness continues to result in harm. And it’s okay to hope for reconciliation without forcing it to happen. Boundaries are not walls; they are gates. They give us the freedom to let people in—but only when it is healthy and appropriate to do so. Making Amends with Compassion and Clarity If and when the time does come to make amends, whether as the person extending forgiveness or the one asking for it, approaching the conversation with humility and clarity is essential. We can take inspiration from the Sacrament of Reconciliation, where the process of confession involves examining our conscience, naming our sins, expressing true contrition, and receiving both forgiveness and guidance. Similarly, when making amends in our personal lives, we begin by acknowledging what happened—not defensively, but honestly. We share how the situation has affected us. We listen. We don’t demand immediate restoration, but we open the door to it. And sometimes, we might take that step and find that the other person isn’t ready. Or they respond with defensiveness, denial, or more harm. That’s when we return to our boundaries. Forgiveness is still possible, but reconciliation may need to remain a hope rather than a present reality. Spiritual Guidance Along the Way Throughout this process, our faith can be an anchor. Prayer becomes a conversation with the God who knows every wound and walks with us through every step of healing. The saints offer examples of both radical forgiveness and wise discernment. St. Monica, for instance, teaches us about perseverance in love and prayer without enabling harmful behavior. St. Maria Goretti’s story is often cited for her forgiveness, but we also remember her clarity in saying no to harm. And of course, the Sacraments nourish us. Receiving the Eucharist strengthens us to love like Christ. Confession helps us experience God’s mercy, so we can extend it more freely to others. Spiritual direction can also be helpful when navigating complex relationships and emotional burdens through a faith-based lens. Trusting the Slow Work of Healing Making amends and setting boundaries aren’t one-time decisions. They are part of an ongoing, unfolding process of healing. We may feel ready one day and hesitant the next. That’s okay. Forgiveness is not linear, and relationships—especially broken ones—rarely heal overnight. But I’ve seen firsthand the beauty that emerges when people engage in this work with courage. When they honor both their pain and their desire for peace. When they protect their hearts with boundaries, but still remain open to love. And when they trust that, even if reconciliation is not possible now, it may one day be—with God’s grace. In Conclusion If you’re in the midst of wrestling with whether to make amends, take heart. It’s not an easy decision, and it doesn’t have to be rushed. Therapy can offer tools and support. Your faith can offer wisdom and hope. And both can help you move forward with peace. Forgiveness will always be a part of the journey. But reconciliation? That’s something we discern, with prayer and prudence. And no matter where you land—whether you reach out, stay silent, or hold space from afar—you are not alone in the journey. If you haven’t yet read Part One of this series, I encourage you to explore the foundations of forgiveness and healing in both therapy and Catholic tradition. That post dives into the inner process of releasing pain and embracing God’s mercy—a powerful first step before considering reconciliation. May you be filled with gentleness, wisdom, and the peace that comes from the One who forgave us first. Forgiveness can feel impossible at times—but it’s also one of the most healing gifts we can give ourselves. If you're carrying the weight of resentment or hurt and feel ready to explore a path toward release and peace, therapy can help. At Holy Family Counseling Center , we create a safe space to process the past, understand your emotions, and move forward with intention. Connect with us when you're ready—we’re here to walk that path with you.

The Gift of Forgiveness: Healing Relationships Through Therapy and God's Mercy

By Peter Attridge, PhD • October 27, 2025
Forgiveness & Healing: Therapy and Catholic Perspectives on Reconciliation

Your Thoughts Lead the Way

By Irene Rowland, MS, NCC, LPC • September 16, 2025
We often have more control than we realize. I’m going to lead you through an exercise in order to illustrate this point. Visualize a tree with deep roots and a strong trunk leading up into beautiful branches and leaves. Oftentimes, we retain concepts better if we can see it mapped out. To that end, let’s do a little art therapy together and when you have completed your masterpiece, you can put it on your refrigerator or somewhere that you’ll notice it often: First draw a tree trunk with the roots showing. Under half of the roots write the word FEAR in dark, shaky, ominous looking letters. Under the other half of the roots write LOVE in happy looking handwriting (maybe pretty cursive if you dare). Vertically up the tree trunk write “thoughts/beliefs”. Now it’s time to add lots of branches, twigs, and leaves. Among these branches, add the wording “actions/behaviors” throughout the branches. If you are looking for extra credit, add a variety of nice healthy looking fruit and some rotting fruit with flies. Proverbs 4:23 states “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” In most circumstances, at the root of our thoughts is either fear or love. These thoughts then drive our actions and behaviors. Sometimes we are coming from a solid, healthy place and other times from a shaky, fear based place. This is worth looking at in order to grow more and more into the emotionally healthy individual we have the potential to become. All fear based thinking is not detrimental obviously. God created us with healthy fight or flight instincts for when we are in actual danger. This is of course a good thing. For purposes of learning how to live a more emotionally balanced life, we’re looking at thoughts that come from an unhealthy fear which could potentially drive behaviors and actions that don’t serve us well. Thoughts Drive Behavior There are ten top cognitive distortions. Let’s break this down a little. Cognitive means having to do with the brain. Distortions are things that are twisted, so basically cognitive distortions are twisted, unhealthy or irrational thoughts. We have more control over our lives if we operate from a place of clear, healthy, rational thoughts. Everyone experiences some of these types of thoughts so it’s good to know that it’s “normal”. It’s what we do with these thoughts that matters. Do we buy into the lie that we’ve told ourselves or do we remind ourselves of the truth? If you tracked these negative thoughts throughout the week, it would be surprising to see how often this happens. Let’s look at the top 10 cognitive distortions. They’re not in any particular order but we each have a pattern of our “favorites” that we default to when we engage in what some call “stinking thinking”. All or Nothing Thinking - also known as black and white thinking. Usually things in life aren’t 100% one way or the other and the truth is somewhere in between in the gray area. Words such as never and always fall into this category. The words usually, often and sometimes are probably more truthful in most circumstances. Overgeneralizing - an example would be seeing an event as a never-ending pattern. A student with good grades being concerned that they’re going to flunk a course because of one failing quiz grade is a good example of this. Mental Filter - dwelling on the negatives and ignoring the positives. When this happens, the mind dwells on the glass being half empty. This is not only discouraging for the person who chooses to live this way, but also makes it difficult for others to be around them often. Discounting Positives - an example is not giving any credit for that which is good in a person and only paying attention to what needs improvement. Jumping to Conclusions- the thoughts don’t always match the facts. There are subsets of this type of distorted thinking. One is Mind Reading when we assume we know what the other person is thinking for instance. This is a common relationship issue. We need to state what we have to say instead of believing the other person already knows. Fortune Telling also is a way that we oftentimes falsely decide that we know how something is going to happen. We all know those who have had something negative happen in the morning and then decide that this is going to be a bad day. Their negative thinking is usually what propels the rest of the day to be less than desirable. Their self-fulfilling prophesy informs how they choose to handle the rest of the day. Magnification and Minimization - making things larger or smaller than they actually are. We’ve all seen a mountain made out of a molehill or something huge being discounted as being trivial. Emotional Reasoning - letting feelings be regarded as truth such as I feel unworthy therefore I am. Should Statements - when we use should/should not, must, have to or similar language about ourselves or others, we are self-bullying or other bullying. An example would be if a person thought that as a good parent they have to read a bedtime story every night to their child. The truth is that as a good parent, they get to/are happy to read a story nightly but they could still be a good parent without imposing this on themselves. A parent with a migraine could let their child know that they’re not feeling well and will read two stories the next night and still fulfill their idea of being a good parent. Labeling -calling oneself a loser for instance because you made mistakes, instead of stating the truth that you made a mistake. Self-Blame and Other-Blame -taking on blame that isn’t rightfully all yours or blaming others when the fault lies partially with you also. All of these unhealthy ways of thinking can cause us to have inappropriate responses to life’s situations. When we have a negative thought, we need to slow down and ask ourselves if it’s legitimately true or have we exaggerated or added incorrect meaning to a situation. When we operate from a place of truth, our behaviors are going to be more sane, more productive, life-giving and fruitful. Knowledge is power. Now that you know, practice paying attention to your thoughts. If they are true, operate from that place for the best outcomes. If the thoughts are not truthful and therefore won’t serve you well, it’s time to regroup and remind yourself of what the actual truth is. It’s ok to have your initial thought be an unlovely, negative thought that’s untrue. What matters is what you do with it. Hopefully your response is to turn it around into the truth and proceed from there. Looking for cognitive distortions can be like a treasure hunt. Your response of countering with the truth is pure gold. If this exercise resonated with you, try repeating the “Thought Tree” once a day for a week and notice one cognitive distortion you catch—then practice swapping it for a truer, kinder thought. If you'd like help applying these tools in therapy, please contact us at 678-993-8494 or visit Holy Family Counseling Center . If you ever feel overwhelmed or have thoughts of harming yourself, contact local emergency services or the 988 Lifeline immediately. Small shifts in how we think add up—you're not alone on this path to greater emotional health.