Smart Parenting in the Smartphone Era Part I: Know the Risks

Wendy Baribeau, MS, LAMFT

 Part I: Know the Risks

Smart Parenting in the Smartphone Era Part I: Know the Risks

By Wendy Baribeau, LAMFT


Many Catholic parents have decided to give their children computers, smartphones and tablets for a variety of reasons. While nearly all schools in this country, including Catholic ones, have embraced the belief that technology aids learning, most parents are not fully aware of the dangers that unsupervised internet usage creates.


Every day, kids and teens seemed to be glued to their smartphones and devices. Although most parents have a general concern about internet content, lack of offline interests, and attention-span issues, they may not understand the alarming risks that recent studies have revealed. Understanding the risks and admitting your children are vulnerable is the first step to protecting them.


Risk One: Mental Health Disorders are Rising

In 2008, most American teenagers owned a smartphone. Since that time, we have seen an increase in mental health disorders among our nation’s teens. Here are the main concerns:

  • Suicide. Teen suicide rates have increased 56 percent since 2007. Teens who spend three hours or more per day on electronic devices are 35 percent more likely to have at least one suicide risk factor, including hopelessness, lack of meaning, or lost interest in life. Children taking their life by suicide at younger ages today than ever before.
  • Anxiety. Research shows risks of mental health disorders increase with screen time of two hours or more per day.
  • Addiction. A recent research study imposed a 24-hour media abstinence period. These teens reported feeling “paralyzed, going crazy, emptiness, tortured, and insecure,” all of which are classic withdrawal symptoms from substance abuse and dependency.

Risk Two: Underdeveloped Brains More Susceptible

An individual’s brain is not fully developed until age 25. The frontal lobes, which handle judgment, insight and impulse control, are the least mature region of the teenage brain. In addition, a little bit of stimulation to a growing teenage brain leads to strong craving for more rewards that can easily become an addition. This explains why teens become addicted to things quicker and recovery is harder.


Interestingly, 70 percent of teens say they want parents to set online filters, although they probably won’t tell their parents directly. Perhaps this is because God created an ordered relationship between parents and children. According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, “the fourth commandment …. requires honor, affection, and gratitude toward elders and ancestors.” (CC2199)


In addition, “this commandment includes and presupposes the duties of parents, instructors, teachers, leaders, magistrates, those who govern, all who exercise authority over others or over a community of persons.” (CC2199)

We cannot rely on teenagers to monitor themselves. Parents have a moral obligation to protect their children and teenagers from these dangers.


Risk Three: Pornography More Dangerous Than Ever

Pornography may be one of the most common concerns for Catholic parents today. The Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches that:


“Pornography consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties. It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act, the intimate giving of spouses to each other. It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants (actors, vendors, the public), since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit profit for others. It immerses all who are involved in the illusion of a fantasy world. It is a grave offense.” (CC2354)


However, pornography exposure goes way beyond even these serious moral offenses today. Here are some growing issues:

  • Age of Exposure. The age when children are viewing pornography for the first time is getting younger. The average age children are seeing porn today is 11 years old, and children rarely tell their parents.
  • Wrong Perspective. In addition, most teens don’t think porn is bad for society, and many view it as sex education.
  • Portrayal of Sex. The content of modern porn is not about sex but violence, degradation of women, and the most extreme sexual acts. The violence, aggression and rape in porn has undoubtedly contributed to the #MeToo culture we live in today.
  • Addiction. Pornography is extremely addictive and both teens and adults find it incredibly hard to stop.
  • Sexual Problems. Porn contributes to erectile dysfunction and sexual aggression, including child on child.
  • Mental Health Problems. Porn increases ADHD symptoms, depression, loneliness, and anxiety.
  • Fuels Child Pornography. Adult pornography fuels the demand for child porn and human trafficking. Children and teenagers are making porn themselves and at times, uploading it to social media. The porn industry makes over $100 billion dollars per year and is aggressively marketing to young potential customers. Large, powerful technology companies are accomplices.

Risk Four: Social Media Magnifies Peer Pressure

Although social media use is not as addictive as pornography, it introduces a new level of problematic peer pressure. Snapchat brags on its website that its daily active users open the app on average 25 times per day. Here are common social media issues:

  • Fear of Missing Something. Teens are naturally worried about missing out, but social media magnifies this fear with 24/7 pressure to keep up. This results in feelings of loneliness and marginalization.
  • Cyberbullying. Cyberbullying can be traumatic and extremely hostile including comments such as “you should kill yourself.”
  • Sexting. Not only is this morally problematic, but it is illegal for teens to possess nudes of anyone under the age of 18.
  • Perfectionism. Photoshop-style filters on Snapchat create an unrealistic standard of “beauty” for young girls.
  • Uneducated Education. Teens are “educating” other teens about sensitive and complex topics such as eating disorders, abortion, depression, cutting, medications, and LGBT issues.

Risk Five: Video Games Fuel Addiction and Dangerous Behavior

In June 2018, the World Health Organization classified “gaming disorder” as a mental health disorder because the effects of excessive gaming are severe. Gaming is highly addictive. More symptoms of ADHD were found in adolescents who played video games for one hour per day. Some of the most popular games include extreme violence, porn, theft, and gambling. Many modern games encourage isolation. Recent studies show correlation between violent video games and physical aggression.


Risk Six: Sophisticated Predators Lurk

The internet has been a boon for pedophiles, sex offenders and predators due to its anonymity and accessibility to kids. Many kids and teenagers enjoy meeting “new friends” or, to parents, “creepy strangers” online. Many even prefer it over face-to-face communication.


Predators are notoriously patient and methodical in the grooming process. They use pornography to lure kids and teens. They use social media sites, email, and gaming chat rooms to slowly build a relationship with unsuspecting or lonely children. Many young girls are harassed for nudes on social media but are too embarrassed to tell an adult. Teenagers can “fall in love” with someone they have never met in person.


Risk Seven: Problematic Programming

Failing to supervise children in selecting TV, movies and videos online creates another risk. Many TV shows and movies rated 13+ will have sex, violence, drug and alcohol use, mental illness, and dangerous pranks without portraying any realistic consequences.


In 2018, Netflix aired a TV series called “13 Reasons Why” that glamorized the story of a teen girl who died by suicide, ignoring the laws on responsible suicide reporting by media companies. Videos on YouTube and YouTube for kids are not censored and showcase the best and worst of humanity from around the globe. Teens watching dangerous pranks and dares often try to imitate them.


Many issues associated with children and teens’ modern use of smartphones can be considered scandalous, and parents have a moral obligation to take action. According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, “Scandal can be provoked by laws or institutions, by fashion or opinion. Therefore, they are guilty of scandal who establish laws or social structures leading to the decline of morals and the corruption of religious practice, or to social conditions that, intentionally or not, make Christian conduct and obedience to the Commandments difficult and practically impossible.” (2286)


Next Week: Practical tips for parents on using internet filters, adding parental controls, managing screen time, and more.

For more information about Wendy or her team, please visit Holy Family Counseling Center.

The Gift of Forgiveness: Healing Relationships Through Therapy and God's Mercy

By Peter Attridge, PhD • October 27, 2025
Forgiveness & Healing: Therapy and Catholic Perspectives on Reconciliation

Your Thoughts Lead the Way

By Irene Rowland, MS, LPC • September 16, 2025
We often have more control than we realize. I’m going to lead you through an exercise in order to illustrate this point. Visualize a tree with deep roots and a strong trunk leading up into beautiful branches and leaves. Oftentimes, we retain concepts better if we can see it mapped out. To that end, let’s do a little art therapy together and when you have completed your masterpiece, you can put it on your refrigerator or somewhere that you’ll notice it often: First draw a tree trunk with the roots showing. Under half of the roots write the word FEAR in dark, shaky, ominous looking letters. Under the other half of the roots write LOVE in happy looking handwriting (maybe pretty cursive if you dare). Vertically up the tree trunk write “thoughts/beliefs”. Now it’s time to add lots of branches, twigs, and leaves. Among these branches, add the wording “actions/behaviors” throughout the branches. If you are looking for extra credit, add a variety of nice healthy looking fruit and some rotting fruit with flies. Proverbs 4:23 states “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” In most circumstances, at the root of our thoughts is either fear or love. These thoughts then drive our actions and behaviors. Sometimes we are coming from a solid, healthy place and other times from a shaky, fear based place. This is worth looking at in order to grow more and more into the emotionally healthy individual we have the potential to become. All fear based thinking is not detrimental obviously. God created us with healthy fight or flight instincts for when we are in actual danger. This is of course a good thing. For purposes of learning how to live a more emotionally balanced life, we’re looking at thoughts that come from an unhealthy fear which could potentially drive behaviors and actions that don’t serve us well. Thoughts Drive Behavior There are ten top cognitive distortions. Let’s break this down a little. Cognitive means having to do with the brain. Distortions are things that are twisted, so basically cognitive distortions are twisted, unhealthy or irrational thoughts. We have more control over our lives if we operate from a place of clear, healthy, rational thoughts. Everyone experiences some of these types of thoughts so it’s good to know that it’s “normal”. It’s what we do with these thoughts that matters. Do we buy into the lie that we’ve told ourselves or do we remind ourselves of the truth? If you tracked these negative thoughts throughout the week, it would be surprising to see how often this happens. Let’s look at the top 10 cognitive distortions. They’re not in any particular order but we each have a pattern of our “favorites” that we default to when we engage in what some call “stinking thinking”. All or Nothing Thinking - also known as black and white thinking. Usually things in life aren’t 100% one way or the other and the truth is somewhere in between in the gray area. Words such as never and always fall into this category. The words usually, often and sometimes are probably more truthful in most circumstances. Overgeneralizing - an example would be seeing an event as a never-ending pattern. A student with good grades being concerned that they’re going to flunk a course because of one failing quiz grade is a good example of this. Mental Filter - dwelling on the negatives and ignoring the positives. When this happens, the mind dwells on the glass being half empty. This is not only discouraging for the person who chooses to live this way, but also makes it difficult for others to be around them often. Discounting Positives - an example is not giving any credit for that which is good in a person and only paying attention to what needs improvement. Jumping to Conclusions- the thoughts don’t always match the facts. There are subsets of this type of distorted thinking. One is Mind Reading when we assume we know what the other person is thinking for instance. This is a common relationship issue. We need to state what we have to say instead of believing the other person already knows. Fortune Telling also is a way that we oftentimes falsely decide that we know how something is going to happen. We all know those who have had something negative happen in the morning and then decide that this is going to be a bad day. Their negative thinking is usually what propels the rest of the day to be less than desirable. Their self-fulfilling prophesy informs how they choose to handle the rest of the day. Magnification and Minimization - making things larger or smaller than they actually are. We’ve all seen a mountain made out of a molehill or something huge being discounted as being trivial. Emotional Reasoning - letting feelings be regarded as truth such as I feel unworthy therefore I am. Should Statements - when we use should/should not, must, have to or similar language about ourselves or others, we are self-bullying or other bullying. An example would be if a person thought that as a good parent they have to read a bedtime story every night to their child. The truth is that as a good parent, they get to/are happy to read a story nightly but they could still be a good parent without imposing this on themselves. A parent with a migraine could let their child know that they’re not feeling well and will read two stories the next night and still fulfill their idea of being a good parent. Labeling -calling oneself a loser for instance because you made mistakes, instead of stating the truth that you made a mistake. Self-Blame and Other-Blame -taking on blame that isn’t rightfully all yours or blaming others when the fault lies partially with you also. All of these unhealthy ways of thinking can cause us to have inappropriate responses to life’s situations. When we have a negative thought, we need to slow down and ask ourselves if it’s legitimately true or have we exaggerated or added incorrect meaning to a situation. When we operate from a place of truth, our behaviors are going to be more sane, more productive, life-giving and fruitful. Knowledge is power. Now that you know, practice paying attention to your thoughts. If they are true, operate from that place for the best outcomes. If the thoughts are not truthful and therefore won’t serve you well, it’s time to regroup and remind yourself of what the actual truth is. It’s ok to have your initial thought be an unlovely, negative thought that’s untrue. What matters is what you do with it. Hopefully your response is to turn it around into the truth and proceed from there. Looking for cognitive distortions can be like a treasure hunt. Your response of countering with the truth is pure gold. If this exercise resonated with you, try repeating the “Thought Tree” once a day for a week and notice one cognitive distortion you catch—then practice swapping it for a truer, kinder thought. If you'd like help applying these tools in therapy, please contact visit Holy Family Counseling Center . If you ever feel overwhelmed or have thoughts of harming yourself, contact local emergency services or the 988 Lifeline immediately. Small shifts in how we think add up—you're not alone on this path to greater emotional health.

Strengthening Marriages: Therapy and the Catholic Vision of Sacramental Love

By Peter Attridge, PhD, LMFT • August 18, 2025
Marriage, within the Catholic tradition, is more than a civil contract; it is a sacred covenant—a sacrament that mirrors Christ's love for the Church. This divine institution calls couples to a life of mutual self-giving, fidelity, and openness to life. However, the journey of married life is not without its challenges. Even the most devout couples may encounter periods of difficulty, whether due to communication breakdowns, emotional distance, or external stresses. In such times, marriage therapy can serve as a beacon of hope, offering tools to rebuild and strengthen the marital bond. This article delves into the intersection of therapeutic practices and Catholic teachings, exploring how professional counseling can align with and enhance the sacramental understanding of marriage. The Catholic Understanding of Marriage At the heart of Catholic doctrine is the belief that marriage is a sacrament instituted by Christ. As outlined in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, "The marriage covenant, by which a man and a woman form with each other an intimate communion of life and love, has been founded and endowed with its own special laws by the Creator" . This covenant is characterized by three essential goods: unity, indissolubility, and openness to fertility.( Vatican , USCCB ) Unity Marriage unites a man and a woman into "one flesh," transcending individual desires to form a singular, harmonious partnership. This unity is not merely physical but encompasses emotional, spiritual, and intellectual dimensions. It calls for a deep, abiding connection that reflects the unity between Christ and His Church. Indissolubility The Catholic Church teaches that marriage is a lifelong commitment. Jesus' words, "What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder" (Mark 10:9), underscore the permanence of the marital bond. This indissolubility is not contingent upon circumstances but is a testament to the enduring nature of divine love.( St. Charles Borromeo ). Openness to Fertility Marriage, in its fullest sense, is ordered toward the procreation and education of children. The Catechism states, "Children are the supreme gift of marriage and contribute greatly to the good of the parents themselves" . Even couples who are unable to have children can live out this openness through acts of love, hospitality, and service.( Vatican ). The Role of Therapy in Strengthening Marriages While the sacramental understanding of marriage provides a spiritual framework, therapy offers practical tools to navigate the complexities of married life. Professional counseling can help couples address issues such as communication breakdowns, emotional disconnection, and external stresses. Therapists employ various modalities to assist couples in strengthening their relationship a few of which are included below: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) Developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, EFT is grounded in attachment theory and focuses on the emotional bond between partners. It aims to identify negative interaction patterns and replace them with positive cycles of interaction. EFT has been shown to be effective in treating relationship distress and fostering secure emotional bonds .( Verywell Mind ) The Gottman Method Based on extensive research by Drs. John and Julie Schwartz Gottman, this method emphasizes the importance of building a sound relationship foundation, managing conflict constructively, and creating shared meaning. It provides couples with practical tools to enhance communication and deepen intimacy .( Verywell Mind ). Imago Relationship Therapy Developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, Imago Therapy focuses on transforming conflict into healing opportunities. It encourages partners to understand each other's childhood wounds and how they influence current relationship dynamics. The therapy employs structured dialogues to promote empathy and understanding .( Verywell Mind ) Integrating Therapy with Catholic Teachings Therapy and Catholic teachings are not mutually exclusive; rather, they can complement each other in fostering a thriving marriage. Catholic couples can integrate therapeutic practices with their faith by: Engaging in Shared Prayer: Regular prayer together invites God's presence into the relationship, fostering spiritual intimacy. Participating in the Sacraments: Regular reception of the Eucharist and the Sacrament of Reconciliation strengthens the couple's bond and commitment. Living Out Catholic Values: Practicing virtues such as patience, kindness, and forgiveness aligns with both therapeutic principles and Catholic teachings. Seeking Pastoral Support: Engaging with a parish priest or spiritual director can provide guidance and support in living out the sacrament of marriage. By integrating therapy with Catholic teachings, couples can cultivate a deeper, more resilient, and more loving union that reflects God's own love. Marriage, as envisioned in the Catholic faith, is a sacred covenant that calls couples to live out a love that is self-giving, faithful, and open to life. While challenges are inevitable, therapy offers couples the tools to navigate these difficulties and strengthen their bond. By integrating therapeutic practices with Catholic teachings, couples can build a marriage that not only endures but thrives, becoming a testament to the love of Christ for His Church. Every relationship faces seasons of struggle, and seeking support is a sign of strength—not failure. Whether you're looking to improve communication, rebuild trust, or simply grow closer, we’re here to help. At Holy Family Counseling Center we offer couples therapy rooted in empathy, honesty, and proven tools to strengthen your connection. Reach out today and let’s work together to nurture your marriage.