Smart Parenting in the Smartphone Era: Part II Using Resources

Wendy Baribeau, MS, LAMFT

Part II: Using Resources


Smart Parenting in the Smartphone Era: Part II Using Resources

By Wendy Baribeau, LAMFT


As we discussed in last week’s blog, the dangers that our children face when utilizing modern technology are serious and complex. As parents, we all have an obligation to protect our kids from the tech that can be addictive, degrading, or unsafe. Parental controls and other resources can help parents take advantage of the benefits of modern technology while protecting kids from harmful tech. The dangers are changing everyday, so parents need to stay informed of the latest trends. We offer the following guidelines as a starting point for you to consider adopting into your parenting practices.


Use Hardware Settings

Most smart phones, tablets, and computers have some parental controls built into the device. These allow parents to grant access to only specific websites, block apps, and restrict account changes. You can require children obtain parental permission to add or delete apps. Parents can limit music, movies, TV shows and books to only PG rated content. In addition, parents can shut down devices at bedtime.


Filter Internet Usage

Although many educational websites exist, if you allow children to search the internet, you must purchase a filter to block pornography. Many products can replace existing browsers to allow for safer browsing results. Unfortunately these filters do not work within individual apps.


Research Apps

Although apps can be easy-to-use, helpful tools, they are a portal to an unfiltered Internet. Currently, we cannot trust provider app ratings. The disparity between provider ratings and independent ratings is often dramatic. For example, Netflix is rated 4+ on the Apple App Store but 17+ on an independent site due to its poor parental controls, mature content next to child content, graphic sexual violence, normalizing sex trafficking of minors, and gratuitous nudity. VPN blockers that are rated 4+ on the app store allow anonymous web browsing that circumvent parental controls.


Limit Time

According to research conducted by Dr. Twenge, children and teenagers should limit their online time to less than one hour per day for leisure-time activities with a maximum of two hours per day. Parents can use the Apple “screen time” feature to select specific apps to set time limits without affecting the entire device.


Monitor or Ban Social Media

If you won’t be monitoring your children’s use of social media, do not allow it. Parents need to use settings within each social media app to ensure privacy and minimize comments. Talk with your children about using apps responsibly, and warn them about the potential risks and dangers from last week’s blog. Advise them to keep online “friends” to a minimum, emphasizing that a large number of friends does not equal popularity, rather it connects them to more bullies and predators. Be aware of multiple accounts with fake names. YouTube is social media.


Restrict Video Games and Content

Remember the Xbox/PlayStation system is attached to the internet, and therefore, requires parental controls. Be sure to follow age-appropriate guidelines for each game, and make sure children cannot download or play games without your permission. Use a timer to limit play time. We recommend a maximum of one hour per day, weekends only. Block all chat rooms, and teach kids to never play or talk with strangers. On the phones, you can block multiplayer games and utilize settings within each app to add more controls.


Watch Programs Together

Use TV programs, movies, and videos as an opportunity to spend time with your children and take advantage of teachable moments. Check the ratings, and remember that a Smart TV needs parental controls too. YouTube and YouTube for Kids are not safe. Parents need to block them or watch programs together with their children.


Instill Good Sleep Habits

Keep phones, tablets, video games, computers and TVs out of the bedrooms. Use parental controls to turn off all devices at bedtime. Ensure healthy sleep habits based on recommended hours for children by age. For more information on sleep requirements visit this site.


Practice Your Faith

Remember that modern media is secular and profit-driven. Media companies make more money from eyeballs lingering on their sites. Unfortunately, immorality is highly entertaining and “cool” to kids and teenagers. Parents must teach the Catholic faith to their children, explain why the teachings are important, and show how they lead to earthly happiness. Parents who display their commitment to God by attending Mass, praying regularly, and talking about God at home are most likely to transmit that faith to their children. Parents have the duty to protect their children from the sinful, secular culture. It is not easy, but Catholic parents must swim against the tide.


Keep Children Busy

Kids can easily resort to online stimulation out of boredom. Help feed their curiosity in healthy ways. Help them develop real self-confidence and social skills in offline activities through natural trial and error. Keep kids busy with chores, sports, clubs, church activities, jobs, exercise, hobbies and volunteering.


Don’t Be Naive

Please don’t think, “my kid would never do that”. All kids are naturally curious, all fallen humans desire instant gratification. The temptations are everywhere.


Stay Calm

If your children tell you about something bad that happened online, stay calm. The fact they are telling you is a positive thing. Help them work through the issue and think through the incident to arm them with the skills to stay safer on their own.


Conclusion

It’s not an easy job, but it’s not impossible either. If you have made mistakes in the past, don’t be too hard on yourself. Trial and error are to be expected with an enemy so keen and powerful. While it may be impossible to prevent all bad content from our children’s eyes in today’s world, we know we must do our best to stay informed, educate them, block what we can, and monitor as much content as possible. The safety, security, and well-being of an entire generation is at stake.


A Message of Hope

In late 2019, a resolution was introduced by House Representatives Mike Johnson (R-LA4) and Ben McAdams (D-UT4) to recognize the need for an independent app rating review board and for user-friendly parental controls. This resolution (H. Res. 721) is endorsed by the National Center on Sexual Exploitation, a nonpartisan nonprofit in Washington D.C. Please click on this link for more information and to show your support.


Resources

  • Internet Filtering Software: Covenant Eyes, Qustodio, Norton Family Premier, Bark, Our Pact
  • apple.com: Screen time tutorial
  • com: blogs on digital safety
  • com: research on popular apps
  • org: research apps, games, movies, tv shows and books
  • org: tips keeping kids safe online
  • com: documentaries and weekly newsletter

For more information about Wendy or her team, please visit Holy Family Counseling Center at www.holyfamilycounselingcenter.com


By Peter Attridge, PhD, LMFT August 18, 2025
Marriage, within the Catholic tradition, is more than a civil contract; it is a sacred covenant—a sacrament that mirrors Christ's love for the Church. This divine institution calls couples to a life of mutual self-giving, fidelity, and openness to life. However, the journey of married life is not without its challenges. Even the most devout couples may encounter periods of difficulty, whether due to communication breakdowns, emotional distance, or external stresses. In such times, marriage therapy can serve as a beacon of hope, offering tools to rebuild and strengthen the marital bond. This article delves into the intersection of therapeutic practices and Catholic teachings, exploring how professional counseling can align with and enhance the sacramental understanding of marriage. The Catholic Understanding of Marriage At the heart of Catholic doctrine is the belief that marriage is a sacrament instituted by Christ. As outlined in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, "The marriage covenant, by which a man and a woman form with each other an intimate communion of life and love, has been founded and endowed with its own special laws by the Creator" . This covenant is characterized by three essential goods: unity, indissolubility, and openness to fertility.( Vatican , USCCB ) Unity Marriage unites a man and a woman into "one flesh," transcending individual desires to form a singular, harmonious partnership. This unity is not merely physical but encompasses emotional, spiritual, and intellectual dimensions. It calls for a deep, abiding connection that reflects the unity between Christ and His Church. Indissolubility The Catholic Church teaches that marriage is a lifelong commitment. Jesus' words, "What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder" (Mark 10:9), underscore the permanence of the marital bond. This indissolubility is not contingent upon circumstances but is a testament to the enduring nature of divine love.( St. Charles Borromeo ). Openness to Fertility Marriage, in its fullest sense, is ordered toward the procreation and education of children. The Catechism states, "Children are the supreme gift of marriage and contribute greatly to the good of the parents themselves" . Even couples who are unable to have children can live out this openness through acts of love, hospitality, and service.( Vatican ). The Role of Therapy in Strengthening Marriages While the sacramental understanding of marriage provides a spiritual framework, therapy offers practical tools to navigate the complexities of married life. Professional counseling can help couples address issues such as communication breakdowns, emotional disconnection, and external stresses. Therapists employ various modalities to assist couples in strengthening their relationship a few of which are included below: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) Developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, EFT is grounded in attachment theory and focuses on the emotional bond between partners. It aims to identify negative interaction patterns and replace them with positive cycles of interaction. EFT has been shown to be effective in treating relationship distress and fostering secure emotional bonds .( Verywell Mind ) The Gottman Method Based on extensive research by Drs. John and Julie Schwartz Gottman, this method emphasizes the importance of building a sound relationship foundation, managing conflict constructively, and creating shared meaning. It provides couples with practical tools to enhance communication and deepen intimacy .( Verywell Mind ). Imago Relationship Therapy Developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, Imago Therapy focuses on transforming conflict into healing opportunities. It encourages partners to understand each other's childhood wounds and how they influence current relationship dynamics. The therapy employs structured dialogues to promote empathy and understanding .( Verywell Mind ) Integrating Therapy with Catholic Teachings Therapy and Catholic teachings are not mutually exclusive; rather, they can complement each other in fostering a thriving marriage. Catholic couples can integrate therapeutic practices with their faith by: Engaging in Shared Prayer: Regular prayer together invites God's presence into the relationship, fostering spiritual intimacy. Participating in the Sacraments: Regular reception of the Eucharist and the Sacrament of Reconciliation strengthens the couple's bond and commitment. Living Out Catholic Values: Practicing virtues such as patience, kindness, and forgiveness aligns with both therapeutic principles and Catholic teachings. Seeking Pastoral Support: Engaging with a parish priest or spiritual director can provide guidance and support in living out the sacrament of marriage. By integrating therapy with Catholic teachings, couples can cultivate a deeper, more resilient, and more loving union that reflects God's own love. Marriage, as envisioned in the Catholic faith, is a sacred covenant that calls couples to live out a love that is self-giving, faithful, and open to life. While challenges are inevitable, therapy offers couples the tools to navigate these difficulties and strengthen their bond. By integrating therapeutic practices with Catholic teachings, couples can build a marriage that not only endures but thrives, becoming a testament to the love of Christ for His Church. Every relationship faces seasons of struggle, and seeking support is a sign of strength—not failure. Whether you're looking to improve communication, rebuild trust, or simply grow closer, we’re here to help. At Holy Family Counseling Center we offer couples therapy rooted in empathy, honesty, and proven tools to strengthen your connection. Reach out today and let’s work together to nurture your marriage.
By Peter Attridge, PhD, LMFT August 15, 2025
Grief & Hope: Therapy and Catholic Teachings on Loss and Eternal Life Grief is something that touches all of us eventually. It may arrive suddenly with the death of a loved one, linger quietly through the end of a relationship, or follow the quiet disappointment of a long-held dream falling apart. Whatever the cause, the pain of loss often arrives uninvited and stays longer than we expect. It can leave us feeling like the ground beneath our feet has shifted, upending our sense of security, meaning, and identity. In these moments, therapy offers a way to make sense of the pain, to find meaning in suffering, and — slowly but surely — to begin healing. For people of faith, particularly within the Catholic tradition, grief is not something to be merely endured. It’s something that can be transformed through the lens of Christ’s death and resurrection. By combining psychological support with theological hope, the journey through grief can become not just a passage through sorrow, but also a path toward deeper love, connection, and peace. The Complexity of Grief: Not a Straight Line One of the most common misconceptions about grief is that it follows a predictable sequence. Many of us are familiar with the "five stages of grief" — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages, first introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, are helpful in recognizing the emotions involved in loss, but they’re not a strict roadmap. Real grief is messy (see our blog article here ). It doesn’t move in a straight line. Some days, you might feel like you’ve made peace with the loss; on others, a small memory can unravel you unexpectedly. Therapists understand this complexity. In therapy, you’re given a space to express the full range of your emotions without judgment. That in itself can be healing—being able to cry, vent, or sit silently and just be seen. Many therapists use grief specific approaches to help people understand the depth of their emotions and develop tools to cope. These approaches focus not only on processing the pain but also on exploring the significance of the relationship that was lost and the meaning that can still be drawn from it. For some, however, grief becomes more than sorrow. It becomes stuck. This form of suffering, often referred to as complicated grief or prolonged grief disorder (PGD), involves intense, long-lasting emotions that disrupt daily life and relationships. These symptoms can include persistent yearning, preoccupation with the loss, emotional numbness, or an inability to experience joy. When grief lingers and paralyzes rather than gradually integrates into life, therapy becomes not just helpful—it becomes essential. In these more complex cases, the goal is to help individuals accept the reality of their loss while reengaging with life in meaningful ways. It’s not about forgetting or moving on. It’s about learning to carry grief differently—to make space for both sorrow and hope. A Catholic Lens on Death, Loss, and What Comes After While therapy addresses the psychological and emotional dimensions of grief, Catholic theology speaks to the spiritual side of the experience. Our faith doesn’t deny the sorrow of death. It fully acknowledges the pain of separation, the weight of absence. But it also insists—gently but firmly—that death is not the final word. At the heart of our faith is the resurrection of Christ. This central truth shapes how Catholics understand death—not as an end, but as a passage to new life. In the Gospel of John, Jesus offers the words that echo across centuries: “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live” (John 11:25–26). These words are not a dismissal of grief; they are an anchor in the storm of sorrow, a promise that love is stronger than death. This belief is not just abstract theology. It’s woven into the very rituals that surround death. Catholic funeral rites, including the Vigil, the Funeral Mass, and the Rite of Committal, are structured to help mourners grieve, pray, and hope. The Mass of Christian Burial is both a farewell and a celebration. It entrusts the soul of the deceased to God’s mercy while comforting those left behind with prayers, Scripture, and the Eucharist—a visible sign of Christ’s victory over death. We also draw comfort from the communion of saints—the belief that the faithful, living and deceased, remain united in Christ. This sense of connection helps many people feel that their loved ones are not lost to them, but remain close in spirit, interceding and awaiting reunion in eternal life. It transforms the relationship, but it does not sever it. According to The Catholic Free Press, prayer during and after the funeral, the support of the faith community, and the hope of resurrection all contribute to easing the sting of grief. This hope doesn’t erase the sadness, but it surrounds it with meaning. Finding Healing in the Integration of Therapy and Faith What’s truly powerful is the way that therapy and faith can work together in times of loss. You don’t have to choose between the two. In fact, integrating both can offer the most comprehensive support. Therapy provides the space to wrestle with painful emotions, while faith gives language to mystery, sorrow, and redemption. Some therapists incorporate a client’s spiritual beliefs directly into the therapeutic process. A Catholic might be invited to reflect on Scripture, to write a letter to their loved one as a form of prayer, or to explore the concept of redemptive suffering—that even in our pain, we are united with Christ. These spiritual practices can offer comfort and a sense of sacredness during a time that might otherwise feel chaotic and empty. Faith can also inspire action in grief. Many people find healing in honoring their loved one through acts of love and service—volunteering, creating something meaningful, or simply continuing traditions that keep memories alive. These acts don’t make the grief go away, but they help reframe it as something that can shape your life with beauty and purpose. Community plays a vital role here too. Being part of a parish, attending grief support groups, or simply leaning on trusted friends in faith can make an incredible difference. Shared prayer, communal rituals, and simply being around others who “get it” can bring relief that is both emotional and spiritual. Moving Through Grief Toward New Life It’s important to remember that healing doesn’t mean forgetting. Love doesn’t end when someone dies. It changes form. Grief is a sign of love, and love, in the Catholic tradition, is eternal. This perspective is beautifully echoed in the words of St. Augustine: “If you knew the gift of God and what heaven is... wipe away your tears and weep no more if you love me” ( Our Sunday Visitor ). These aren’t instructions to suppress sorrow, but reminders that death is not the end of the story. When we allow ourselves to grieve fully, supported by therapy and guided by faith, we begin to see how grief itself can be transformed. It doesn’t go away, but it becomes lighter, more manageable. It makes room for joy again, for connection, and for a deeper appreciation of the people still present in our lives. In time, those who grieve may find themselves living not in spite of loss, but in honor of it—carrying forward the love they received, guided by the hope of eternal reunion, and strengthened by the compassionate tools of therapy and the enduring promises of their faith. Final Reflection Grief will never be easy, but it can be holy. It can be a time of brokenness and also of deep transformation. With the help of compassionate therapists and the enduring light of Catholic hope, it is possible to find meaning, peace, and even renewal in the shadow of loss. You don’t have to go through this alone. Whether it’s sitting with a therapist, lighting a candle at Mass, whispering a prayer through tears, or simply reaching out to someone who understands—every small step matters. Together, therapy and Catholic theology remind us that grief is not a sign of weakness or failure. It is a testament to love. And love, in the end, is what endures. Healing begins with connection—and taking the first step can be the hardest part. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, stuck, or simply curious about how therapy could help, we invite you to connect with us at Holy Family Counseling Center. Our team is here to listen, support, and walk alongside you with care and intention. Send us a message or give us a call—we’re ready when you are.
July 10, 2025
Holy Family Counseling Center therapist, Irene Rowland, LPC will be supporting The Way Retreat with Sue Stubbs, MS, NCC