In Sickness and In Health

Dr. Tom Spudic

A man is holding a sign that says happy anniversary

I married an older woman—she’s roughly one month older than me. I get a lot of mileage out of the month of October.

We were both 22 when we got married and the last thing on my mind was illness. I was a college athlete, my dear wife was (and is) a firecracker and neither one of us would ever get much older than 30. Uh…yeah.

50+ years later, I look at life differently. I still love being married to her. We enjoy pretty good health, but that never getting older than 30 thing didn’t really work out. The same is true of illness. I’ve had two knee replacements, minor back surgery and early stage Parkinson’s. My “older woman”, though as beautiful as the day we married (I mean it), has had heart valve surgery and treatment for breast cancer. Plus she’s lived with a pain in her neck for 50 years.


I’m glad that a promise to support each other in sickness and in health was a standard part of the wedding vows. Otherwise I would have been even more clueless about how you need to love your spouse in health, so you can better love her/him when age and illness come.


These thoughts come to mind as we deal with the reality of the coronavirus. The possibility of serious illness is always with us, but we are rarely faced with that “unexpected” reality. Getting old and death are things that we like to pretend will never happen.


It’s a bit ironic. Among the most enriching experiences of our long married life has been comforting each other during illness or loss. When I first got married, little did I dream that sharing these times of closeness would mean so much to me. We were together at my father’s funeral. We were both present when my father-in-law, passed away. When my mother died we both prayed at her bedside. We jointly visit my 97 year old mother-in-law. Those comforting experiences have been incredible, as we’ve helped each other in times of illness and death.


My point is this. Work to truly love each other today, so that you can fully be there tomorrow when it is sorely needed. Treat each other with love, respect and compassion today. Make it a habit. That doesn’t mean you won’t disagree or argue with your spouse. Sometimes that’s necessary. Your marriage won’t be perfect. But never demean, show contempt, hatred or humiliate your spouse. Scripture is very wise:

(Sirach 28:18)


Many have fallen by the edge of the sword, but not as many as by the tongue.

We’ve been strengthened by each other in dealing with life’s challenges. Marriage can be incredibly comforting in the hardest of circumstances. If we are to have our spouse by our side when we most need them, we need to treat them with respect and compassion the rest of the time.

Illness does not only come to us physically. It can also come to us through selfishness, unbridled anger, addiction and other aspects of our fallen human nature. If we are to be present in sickness and in health, we must sometimes eliminate the “illness” in our own marriages.


…Should a man refuse mercy to his fellows, yet seek pardon for his own sins? (Sirach 28:4)

It’s not always easy. Over the course of a marriage, wounds and hurts accumulate. Forgiving and asking for forgiveness are a central part of a happy marriage. Even “77×7” doesn’t cover all of the times we may need to forgive. Pray for the courage and fortitude to forgive, and the strength to ask for forgiveness. Listening and treating each other with compassion/respect is a lifetime project.



Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.

Christian marriage is more than giggles and laughs, even though we’ve had plenty of both. There is also a deepness of understanding which is difficult to explain but very much worth working toward.

It brings a smile to my face.


Husband prevented from visiting nursing home due to threat of coronavirus.
Photo copied from article in The Stream by Margaret Olohan 3/16/20

By Peter Attridge, PhD, LMFT August 18, 2025
Marriage, within the Catholic tradition, is more than a civil contract; it is a sacred covenant—a sacrament that mirrors Christ's love for the Church. This divine institution calls couples to a life of mutual self-giving, fidelity, and openness to life. However, the journey of married life is not without its challenges. Even the most devout couples may encounter periods of difficulty, whether due to communication breakdowns, emotional distance, or external stresses. In such times, marriage therapy can serve as a beacon of hope, offering tools to rebuild and strengthen the marital bond. This article delves into the intersection of therapeutic practices and Catholic teachings, exploring how professional counseling can align with and enhance the sacramental understanding of marriage. The Catholic Understanding of Marriage At the heart of Catholic doctrine is the belief that marriage is a sacrament instituted by Christ. As outlined in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, "The marriage covenant, by which a man and a woman form with each other an intimate communion of life and love, has been founded and endowed with its own special laws by the Creator" . This covenant is characterized by three essential goods: unity, indissolubility, and openness to fertility.( Vatican , USCCB ) Unity Marriage unites a man and a woman into "one flesh," transcending individual desires to form a singular, harmonious partnership. This unity is not merely physical but encompasses emotional, spiritual, and intellectual dimensions. It calls for a deep, abiding connection that reflects the unity between Christ and His Church. Indissolubility The Catholic Church teaches that marriage is a lifelong commitment. Jesus' words, "What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder" (Mark 10:9), underscore the permanence of the marital bond. This indissolubility is not contingent upon circumstances but is a testament to the enduring nature of divine love.( St. Charles Borromeo ). Openness to Fertility Marriage, in its fullest sense, is ordered toward the procreation and education of children. The Catechism states, "Children are the supreme gift of marriage and contribute greatly to the good of the parents themselves" . Even couples who are unable to have children can live out this openness through acts of love, hospitality, and service.( Vatican ). The Role of Therapy in Strengthening Marriages While the sacramental understanding of marriage provides a spiritual framework, therapy offers practical tools to navigate the complexities of married life. Professional counseling can help couples address issues such as communication breakdowns, emotional disconnection, and external stresses. Therapists employ various modalities to assist couples in strengthening their relationship a few of which are included below: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) Developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, EFT is grounded in attachment theory and focuses on the emotional bond between partners. It aims to identify negative interaction patterns and replace them with positive cycles of interaction. EFT has been shown to be effective in treating relationship distress and fostering secure emotional bonds .( Verywell Mind ) The Gottman Method Based on extensive research by Drs. John and Julie Schwartz Gottman, this method emphasizes the importance of building a sound relationship foundation, managing conflict constructively, and creating shared meaning. It provides couples with practical tools to enhance communication and deepen intimacy .( Verywell Mind ). Imago Relationship Therapy Developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, Imago Therapy focuses on transforming conflict into healing opportunities. It encourages partners to understand each other's childhood wounds and how they influence current relationship dynamics. The therapy employs structured dialogues to promote empathy and understanding .( Verywell Mind ) Integrating Therapy with Catholic Teachings Therapy and Catholic teachings are not mutually exclusive; rather, they can complement each other in fostering a thriving marriage. Catholic couples can integrate therapeutic practices with their faith by: Engaging in Shared Prayer: Regular prayer together invites God's presence into the relationship, fostering spiritual intimacy. Participating in the Sacraments: Regular reception of the Eucharist and the Sacrament of Reconciliation strengthens the couple's bond and commitment. Living Out Catholic Values: Practicing virtues such as patience, kindness, and forgiveness aligns with both therapeutic principles and Catholic teachings. Seeking Pastoral Support: Engaging with a parish priest or spiritual director can provide guidance and support in living out the sacrament of marriage. By integrating therapy with Catholic teachings, couples can cultivate a deeper, more resilient, and more loving union that reflects God's own love. Marriage, as envisioned in the Catholic faith, is a sacred covenant that calls couples to live out a love that is self-giving, faithful, and open to life. While challenges are inevitable, therapy offers couples the tools to navigate these difficulties and strengthen their bond. By integrating therapeutic practices with Catholic teachings, couples can build a marriage that not only endures but thrives, becoming a testament to the love of Christ for His Church. Every relationship faces seasons of struggle, and seeking support is a sign of strength—not failure. Whether you're looking to improve communication, rebuild trust, or simply grow closer, we’re here to help. At Holy Family Counseling Center we offer couples therapy rooted in empathy, honesty, and proven tools to strengthen your connection. Reach out today and let’s work together to nurture your marriage.
By Peter Attridge, PhD, LMFT August 15, 2025
Grief & Hope: Therapy and Catholic Teachings on Loss and Eternal Life Grief is something that touches all of us eventually. It may arrive suddenly with the death of a loved one, linger quietly through the end of a relationship, or follow the quiet disappointment of a long-held dream falling apart. Whatever the cause, the pain of loss often arrives uninvited and stays longer than we expect. It can leave us feeling like the ground beneath our feet has shifted, upending our sense of security, meaning, and identity. In these moments, therapy offers a way to make sense of the pain, to find meaning in suffering, and — slowly but surely — to begin healing. For people of faith, particularly within the Catholic tradition, grief is not something to be merely endured. It’s something that can be transformed through the lens of Christ’s death and resurrection. By combining psychological support with theological hope, the journey through grief can become not just a passage through sorrow, but also a path toward deeper love, connection, and peace. The Complexity of Grief: Not a Straight Line One of the most common misconceptions about grief is that it follows a predictable sequence. Many of us are familiar with the "five stages of grief" — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages, first introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, are helpful in recognizing the emotions involved in loss, but they’re not a strict roadmap. Real grief is messy (see our blog article here ). It doesn’t move in a straight line. Some days, you might feel like you’ve made peace with the loss; on others, a small memory can unravel you unexpectedly. Therapists understand this complexity. In therapy, you’re given a space to express the full range of your emotions without judgment. That in itself can be healing—being able to cry, vent, or sit silently and just be seen. Many therapists use grief specific approaches to help people understand the depth of their emotions and develop tools to cope. These approaches focus not only on processing the pain but also on exploring the significance of the relationship that was lost and the meaning that can still be drawn from it. For some, however, grief becomes more than sorrow. It becomes stuck. This form of suffering, often referred to as complicated grief or prolonged grief disorder (PGD), involves intense, long-lasting emotions that disrupt daily life and relationships. These symptoms can include persistent yearning, preoccupation with the loss, emotional numbness, or an inability to experience joy. When grief lingers and paralyzes rather than gradually integrates into life, therapy becomes not just helpful—it becomes essential. In these more complex cases, the goal is to help individuals accept the reality of their loss while reengaging with life in meaningful ways. It’s not about forgetting or moving on. It’s about learning to carry grief differently—to make space for both sorrow and hope. A Catholic Lens on Death, Loss, and What Comes After While therapy addresses the psychological and emotional dimensions of grief, Catholic theology speaks to the spiritual side of the experience. Our faith doesn’t deny the sorrow of death. It fully acknowledges the pain of separation, the weight of absence. But it also insists—gently but firmly—that death is not the final word. At the heart of our faith is the resurrection of Christ. This central truth shapes how Catholics understand death—not as an end, but as a passage to new life. In the Gospel of John, Jesus offers the words that echo across centuries: “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live” (John 11:25–26). These words are not a dismissal of grief; they are an anchor in the storm of sorrow, a promise that love is stronger than death. This belief is not just abstract theology. It’s woven into the very rituals that surround death. Catholic funeral rites, including the Vigil, the Funeral Mass, and the Rite of Committal, are structured to help mourners grieve, pray, and hope. The Mass of Christian Burial is both a farewell and a celebration. It entrusts the soul of the deceased to God’s mercy while comforting those left behind with prayers, Scripture, and the Eucharist—a visible sign of Christ’s victory over death. We also draw comfort from the communion of saints—the belief that the faithful, living and deceased, remain united in Christ. This sense of connection helps many people feel that their loved ones are not lost to them, but remain close in spirit, interceding and awaiting reunion in eternal life. It transforms the relationship, but it does not sever it. According to The Catholic Free Press, prayer during and after the funeral, the support of the faith community, and the hope of resurrection all contribute to easing the sting of grief. This hope doesn’t erase the sadness, but it surrounds it with meaning. Finding Healing in the Integration of Therapy and Faith What’s truly powerful is the way that therapy and faith can work together in times of loss. You don’t have to choose between the two. In fact, integrating both can offer the most comprehensive support. Therapy provides the space to wrestle with painful emotions, while faith gives language to mystery, sorrow, and redemption. Some therapists incorporate a client’s spiritual beliefs directly into the therapeutic process. A Catholic might be invited to reflect on Scripture, to write a letter to their loved one as a form of prayer, or to explore the concept of redemptive suffering—that even in our pain, we are united with Christ. These spiritual practices can offer comfort and a sense of sacredness during a time that might otherwise feel chaotic and empty. Faith can also inspire action in grief. Many people find healing in honoring their loved one through acts of love and service—volunteering, creating something meaningful, or simply continuing traditions that keep memories alive. These acts don’t make the grief go away, but they help reframe it as something that can shape your life with beauty and purpose. Community plays a vital role here too. Being part of a parish, attending grief support groups, or simply leaning on trusted friends in faith can make an incredible difference. Shared prayer, communal rituals, and simply being around others who “get it” can bring relief that is both emotional and spiritual. Moving Through Grief Toward New Life It’s important to remember that healing doesn’t mean forgetting. Love doesn’t end when someone dies. It changes form. Grief is a sign of love, and love, in the Catholic tradition, is eternal. This perspective is beautifully echoed in the words of St. Augustine: “If you knew the gift of God and what heaven is... wipe away your tears and weep no more if you love me” ( Our Sunday Visitor ). These aren’t instructions to suppress sorrow, but reminders that death is not the end of the story. When we allow ourselves to grieve fully, supported by therapy and guided by faith, we begin to see how grief itself can be transformed. It doesn’t go away, but it becomes lighter, more manageable. It makes room for joy again, for connection, and for a deeper appreciation of the people still present in our lives. In time, those who grieve may find themselves living not in spite of loss, but in honor of it—carrying forward the love they received, guided by the hope of eternal reunion, and strengthened by the compassionate tools of therapy and the enduring promises of their faith. Final Reflection Grief will never be easy, but it can be holy. It can be a time of brokenness and also of deep transformation. With the help of compassionate therapists and the enduring light of Catholic hope, it is possible to find meaning, peace, and even renewal in the shadow of loss. You don’t have to go through this alone. Whether it’s sitting with a therapist, lighting a candle at Mass, whispering a prayer through tears, or simply reaching out to someone who understands—every small step matters. Together, therapy and Catholic theology remind us that grief is not a sign of weakness or failure. It is a testament to love. And love, in the end, is what endures. Healing begins with connection—and taking the first step can be the hardest part. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, stuck, or simply curious about how therapy could help, we invite you to connect with us at Holy Family Counseling Center. Our team is here to listen, support, and walk alongside you with care and intention. Send us a message or give us a call—we’re ready when you are.
July 10, 2025
Holy Family Counseling Center therapist, Irene Rowland, LPC will be supporting The Way Retreat with Sue Stubbs, MS, NCC