Good Shepherd Newsletter 3

Staff

Competency 3: Sustaining a Healthy Lifestyle

Posted by  on April 20, 2020

Chances are this newsletter came by email. It was one of many in the day, one more notification in a long string of notifications. There were likely other notifications: telephone calls, text messages, notes, fellow clergy or staff asking a question, calendar reminders, even reminders to take a break. When do the notifications end? When does the workday end?

 

On the tail-end of a pandemic and the demand it has placed on many professions and vocations, it may not be surprising that 76% of employed adults in the U.S are experiencing burnout symptoms (Spring Health, 2021). Data over the last year shows that the Covid-19 pandemic and political issues are the largest current contributors at 57% and 33%, respectively (Springhealth, 2021).

 

What exactly is burnout? Burnout takes the form of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion that can be caused by excessive exposure to stress. Burnout is most noticeable through feelings of being overwhelmed, emotionally spent, and unable to meet constant demands. As the stress continues, interest and motivation in the chosen vocation begins to wane. As burnout increases, productivity begins to decrease as do energy levels, which may lead to feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and resentfulness. Additionally, cynicism may find its way into daily interactions and the feeling that there is nothing more to give becomes more powerful.

 

The effect of burnout spills over into every area of life—including your home, work, and social life. Additionally, long-term changes to your body that make you vulnerable to illnesses like insomnia, colds, and flu can occur. Dealing with burnout is important in order to head off these negative possibilities.


Signs and symptoms of burnout

There may be mornings when dragging out of bed requires every bit of energy and prayer that can be mustered. Most people experience days when they feel overloaded, helpless, or underappreciated. When this feeling is pervasive, burnout may be on the horizon. The process of burnout is gradual and doesn’t happen overnight. The signs and symptoms are subtle at first, but become worse as time goes on. An easy way to remember this is like the check engine light on a vehicle. Sometimes the light appears because there is a problem, but one that can be easily fixed. Visiting a mechanic may be put off, the car seems to be running fine, and since there is not an obvious repair needed, it can wait. However, the longer it takes to get a repair, the worse the problem gets. Something that could have been easily fixed got worse over time as it wasn’t noticed. Paying attention and actively reducing stress, can prevent a major breakdown in life as well.

Physical signs and symptoms of burnout emotional signs and symptoms of burnout behavioral signs and symptoms of burnout

Recognizing burnout

 

The ability to recognize burnout is often difficult. Often, it appears as stress, but stress has an endpoint that can be seen; if everything can be accomplished there is light at the end of the tunnel. Burnout is the cause of unrelenting stress and involves feelings of not being enough. Motivation disappears, mental exhaustion creeps in, and there is a feeling of emptiness. Often, in these situations it may seem that there is no chance of positive change. Burnout can feel like we are all dried up and have nothing left to give.


Work related causes of burnout

  • Feeling like you have little or no control over your work.
  • Lack of recognition of reward for good work.
  • Unclear or overly demanding job expectations.
  • Doing work that’s monotonous or unchallenging.

Lifestyle causes of burnout

  • Working too much, without enough time for socializing or relaxing.
  • Lack of close, supportive relationships.
  • Taking on too many responsibilities, without enough help from others.
  • Not getting enough sleep. Personality traits can contribute to burnout
  • Perfectionists tendencies; nothing is ever good enough.
  • Pessimistic view of yourself and the world.
  • The need to be in control; reluctance to delegate to others.
  • High-achieving, Type A personality

Some are able to notice the signs of burnout and some push past the boundaries of exhaustion without ever realizing it. Regardless of one’s ability to notice burnout, if it is not addressed in healthy ways it can lead to further physical, emotional, and spiritual distress. How does one deal with burnout? 

  • Recognize: Watch for the warning signs of burnout.
  • Reverse: Undo the damage by seeking support and managing stress.
  • Resilience: Build your resilience to stress by taking care of your physical and emotional health.


Below we will explore ways to manage burnout.


A. Health and Wellness

The goal of exercise, in order to prevent burnout, is not to become a King David or Samson, but rather to allow our bodies moments of reprieve. Throughout history, mankind has been on the move, traveling from place to place, working the fields, as technology has made our lives easier it makes regular movement a little more difficult. There may not be a need to get up for hours as you pour over emails and write homilies. Regular exercise can have a positive effect reducing stress, anxiety and depression. A recent study by the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health found that running for 15 minutes a day or walking for an hour reduces the risk of major depression by 26%.


Does the thought of carving out an hour of your day to walk cause more stress than the actual walk can alleviate? No worries, current recommendations are to include at least 30 minutes of exercise everyday. This can be done all at once, or broken up into shorter periods of time throughout the day. Rhythmic exercise (moving both arms and legs) is a natural way of boosting mood, increasing focus and energy. Often this time can be used as a time for prayer and contemplation, perhaps walking for as long as it takes to pray the rosary. Alternatively, listening to your favorite music or podcast might also make the time more enjoyable. Fresh air and time away from the demands of a busy schedule provide needed distraction to break out of the cycle of negative thoughts that feed depression and anxiety and provide a fresh outlook.


Research indicates that moderate levels of exercise are what most people need. Moderate exercise can be determined if breathing is a little heavier than normal, but not so out of breath that you cannot carry on a conversation, and that your body feels slightly warmer but not necessarily breaking into a sweat. There are always obstacles to exercising, if it were easy this newsletter would not need to be written. The most important part is to start small. Setting goals that are extravagant when feeling stressed or under the weather is a recipe for disaster. Do what you can when you can and be proud of the small achievements and build from there! Schedule your workouts when your energy levels are high, while waiting until the end of the day may be easier, it is often better to exercise when you know you will have the energy. Focus on doing exercises that you enjoy and remember to invite others to these activities with you.


Part of making exercise a priority involves letting go of thoughts related to work and allowing yourself to focus on your body as it moves. How does the ground feel under your feet? Can you feel the wind on your skin? How heavy is the weight in your hand? Being present in the moment and noticing these physical sensations is a large part of how exercise can help rejuvenate us. Exercise also has a positive effect on our immune systems. When exercise is combined with a healthy diet the improvements are often noticeable.


Most nutritionists will agree that the “calories in, calories out” approach is where everyone needs to be. This simple statement means that to maintain a healthy diet, we should be putting in the same amount, or less, in calories than we exert throughout the day. One way to do this is to minimize sugar and refined carbs; old Halloween candy or a medium fry may hit the spot, but it will lead to a crash later in the day. Attempt to reduce foods and liquids that can affect your mood, such as caffeine, overly processed foods, or those with large amounts of hormones. Coffee is great….in moderation (Sorry...had to.). Omega-3 fatty acids give your mood a boost; these include fatty fish (salmon, herring, mackerel, sardines), seaweed, and walnuts. Avoid nicotine; smoking may seem calming but nicotine is a stimulant and can increase anxiety and stress. Drink alcohol in moderation. Alcohol temporarily reduces worry, but too much can cause anxiety as it wears off.


Eating healthy doesn’t have to be difficult but it does require some planning out of your meals. Try taking some time in your day off to plan your meals for the week. What items do you need from the grocery store? Don’t try to complicate it. Sources such as Emeals, Blue Apron, Hello Fresh and other “subscription” boxes can be a good source of new recipes for both lunch and dinner. When grocery shopping, try to stay along the edges of the grocery store and away from the aisles (where the processed food is primarily located) as much as possible. Remember, if you have dietary issues, try meeting with a nutritionist. They can help guide you to foods that your body can more easily digest.


Small investments in both diet and exercise can be of benefit in reducing burnout and emotional stress. The payout of making incremental changes in these areas will show dividends within your vocation.


B. Simple ways to recharge

Just as making small investments in diet and exercise can produce big changes, the same goes for how we find ways to recharge in our daily lives. In addition to the physical strains that we may experience with burnout, there are emotional strains as well. In our last newsletter, we focused on the importance that fraternal connections have in helping maintain positive emotional health. In addition to reaching out to others, there are simple ways of dealing with the emotional turmoil that may arise from burnout. Journaling can be an excellent way of dealing with emotions. When we can put our thoughts and feelings down on paper, we give our minds more bandwidth to focus on tasks during the day. In addition, it is often helpful to focus on the emotions we are feeling, positive or negative, and learn how to accept them. Accepting emotions does not mean that we approve of them, it is simply an acknowledgement of how we are feeling. In addiction recovery there is a common phrase, “Let go and let God.” This phrase is a reminder that if thoughts and emotions can be let go of, there is less to worry about.


One of the most effective exercises to reduce stress that can be done anytime throughout the day is that of deep-breathing. First, when practicing this sit deeply into your chair. Closing your eyes take a deep breath and let it slowly go out. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth slowly. When inhaling, breathe in so deeply that your stomach will expand. We do this naturally when sleeping but most of us never bring the deeper/lower lobes of our lungs into our normal breathing unless we’re exercising. So again, breathe in deeply, perhaps count to five to make sure you take the time you need to fill your lungs more completely. Breathe in and then slowly out, making sure you exhale completely. Repeat this for about three or four times until you notice your body beginning to relax. At the same time and while keeping your eyes closed, think about your face, shoulders, arms, hands, legs, feet and muscles. Aiming to release the tension stored in those various places, relax as you imagine the tension flowing out of your body. With gentle awareness notice your shoulders. Are they high or low and drop them, allowing the world to roll off. Notice your back and your stomach, your upper and lower legs; wiggle your feet and ankles. Foster a calm awareness of which parts of your body have tense muscles and try to relax those muscles while continuing to breathe deeply and almost imagining the air of your deep breaths going into them and relaxing them. Sitting deeply in your chair you will feel heavy. Continue this until you feel like your whole body has finally relaxed. Initially it might take longer than three to five minutes, but as you do this greater frequency and regularity, you will learn to relax and will be able to do it more and more quickly.


C. Engage in things you are passionate about

For the context of this article, let us consider this non-theological notion of passions: people, places, interests, activities, and situations/circumstances that simultaneously (and paradoxically) energize us and deplete us in a healthy way. Our natural passions are a gift from God, as are our innate talents, out of which God means us to live the abundant life of joy and peace. Many of you became priests in response to a natural passion to lovingly serve our Lord and his people. You know well the reality of feeling energized during priestly work followed by the reality of feeling exhausted by and after an intensive measure of it.


How do we recognize our natural passions? When people are fully engaged or immersed in a natural passion, the following phenomena are commonplace: we lose track of time, we feel an enthusiasm, an alertness, a keen focus, a lack of distraction, a sense of being nourished or rejuvenated, even a ‘good’ anxiety which clinicians refer to eustress. We read an analogy of these phenomena in the Transfiguration story mainly through Peter’s ecstatic words.


As with our sensual appetites, it is wise (and therefore holy and virtuous) to moderate and balance our natural passions in order to sustain the kind of healthy lifestyle needed to vigorously serve our Lord and his people. It is commonly observed that any single over-weighted or over-utilized passion tends to result in one’s decreasing revitalization and increasing depletion over time. In the worst-case scenario, such a trend can lead to burn-out or collapse.


So make a habit of indulging your natural passions in a consistently balanced manner. You may find it useful to inventory or catalog them using the PIES model:


  • Physical: Generally means some form of exercise or bodily exertion
  • Intellectual: What do you love to learn about?
  • Emotional : ‘Wasting’ quality time with great friends •
  • Spiritual: Drawing closer to our Lord in relationship


These are the dimensions of our humanity and within them each of us can probably identify at least one natural passion. When we attend to nurturing all four of these aspects of personhood, we will sustain the healthy lifestyle needed for mission service.

The Star in the Window: A Midwinter Reflection for the Soul

By Peter Attridge, PhD, LMFT • January 16, 2026
As the calendar turns and the glitter of the Christmas Season begins to settle into the quiet, gray periphery of January, there is a collective pressure to "reset". We are inundated with messages about the "New You", usually packaged in the form of rigid resolutions or the sudden, frantic desire to fix everything that felt broken in the previous year. As a therapist, I often see the fallout of this "Resolution Culture" in my office. By the second or third week of January, many of my clients feel a sense of premature failure. They set a bar based on a fleeting burst of midnight motivation, and when the reality of daily life—the fatigue, the stress, the old habits—returns, they feel more discouraged than they did in December. This year, I want to invite you to step away from the secular treadmill of self-improvement and instead lean into the liturgical rhythm of the Church. We are currently in the season of Epiphany , a time that offers a much more compassionate and profound framework for personal growth than any gym membership or habit-tracker ever could. Moving Beyond the New Year, New Me Myth One problem with New Year’s resolutions is that they are often rooted in a rejection of self. We look at our flaws and say, "I must delete this version of myself and install a better one". From both a psychological and a Catholic perspective, this is a flawed starting point. In therapy, we know that true, lasting change doesn't come from self-hatred; it comes from integration . In Catholic teaching, we are reminded that we are already "fearfully and wonderfully made". Our goal isn't to become someone else, but to become more fully who God created us to be. Instead of resolutions, let’s look at this time of year from a different perspective, that of the Epiphany —the manifestation of Christ to the Gentiles, represented by the journey of the Magi. The Wisdom of the Magi: A Different Kind of Journey The journey of the Wise Men wasn't a race; it was a long, arduous, and patient trek guided by a singular light. They didn't have a 12-step plan to change who they were; they had a star. 1. Finding Your "Star" (Values vs. Goals) In clinical practice, we often distinguish between goals and values. A goal is something you can check off a list (e.g., lose ten pounds). A value is a direction you move in (e.g., caring for the temple of the Holy Spirit). The Magi followed a star—a distant, steady light. They didn't reach it in a day. As you look at this new year, ask yourself: What is my star? Is it a deeper capacity for patience? Is it a commitment to silence? Is it the courage to set boundaries that protect your peace? When we focus on the "star" (the value) rather than a rigid "resolution" (the goal), we allow room for the journey to be messy. If the Magi took a wrong turn, they didn't go home; they looked back up at the sky and corrected their course. 2. The Gifts: Inventory, Not Deletion The Magi brought gold, frankincense, and myrrh. They brought what they had. In this season, I encourage you to do a "Soul Inventory." Instead of looking at what you lack, look at what you are carrying. What are the "gifts" of your personality? What are the "myrrhs"—the bitter pains or griefs—that you are currently holding? In the therapeutic process, we bring these things into the light. In the Catholic tradition, we offer them to the Christ Child. Nothing is wasted. Even your struggles are gifts in the sense that they are the raw material God uses for your sanctification. Epiphany as a Bridge to Lent Many people see January as a vacuum and February as a countdown to Lent. But the Church, in her wisdom, uses this time as a bridge. Epiphany is about revelation —seeing things as they truly are. If Lent is the season of "doing" (e.g., fasting, almsgiving, prayer), then the weeks following Epiphany are the season of "seeing." You cannot effectively fast from a habit if you don't understand the hunger it’s trying to fill. You cannot give alms with a joyful heart if you haven't recognized the abundance God has already given you. Preparing the Soil Think of this time as "tilling the soil." Before a farmer plants (Lent), he must clear the rocks and turn the earth. This is the psychological work of January and February. Observation without Judgment: Spend these weeks simply noticing your patterns. When do you feel most anxious? When do you feel most distant from God? Don't try to fix it yet. Just see it. The Power of Another Way: After meeting Jesus, the Magi "departed for their country by another way" (Matthew 2:12). This is a beautiful metaphor for the therapeutic journey. Once you encounter the truth—whether in the confessional or the therapist’s chair—you cannot simply go back to the old routes. You are invited to find a "new way" home. Practical Soul-Work for the Season Since we are moving away from the pressure of resolutions, how do we actually use this time? Here are a few "low-pressure, high-grace" suggestions for the weeks ahead: 1. Practice The Examen - St. Ignatius of Loyola gave us a brilliant psychological tool in the Daily Examen. At the end of the day, don't list your failures. Instead, ask: Where did I see God's light today? * Where did I turn away from it? This builds the "muscle" of awareness that you will need when Lent arrives. 2. Identify Your "Herod" - In the Epiphany story, Herod represents the ego, the fear, and the desire for control that feels threatened by the "New King" (grace). What is the Herod in your life right now? Is it a need for perfection? Is it a specific resentment you’re clinging to? Recognizing your internal Herod is the first step toward preventing it from sabotaging your spiritual growth. 3. Rest as a Spiritual Discipline - The Magi traveled far, but they also stopped. Our culture demands constant production. But in the quiet of winter, the earth rests. Allow yourself a Sabbath of the Mind. If you are feeling burnt out, the most Catholic and psychologically sound thing you can do isn't to add a new prayer routine, but to sleep an extra hour and acknowledge your human limitations. We are creatures, not the Creator. Looking Toward the Desert Soon enough, the ashes will be placed on our foreheads, and we will enter the desert of Lent. But we don't have to rush there. If we spend this Epiphany season truly following our "star"—seeking the truth of who we are and who Christ is—we won't enter Lent out of a sense of should or guilt. Instead, we will enter Lent like people who have seen a Great Light. We will fast because we’ve realized we are hungry for something better than what the world offers. We will pray because we’ve realized we can’t make the journey alone. A Final Thought from the Couch If you find yourself struggling this January—if the New Year energy feels more like a heavy weight than a fresh start—take a deep breath. You are not a project to be solved. You are a person to be loved. The Magi didn't find a palace; they found a child in a humble, probably messy, stable. God meets you in the messy stable of your current life—not the perfected palace of your resolutions. This year, let’s stop trying to resolve our lives and start trying to reveal them. Let the light of the Epiphany show you the way, one small, patient step at a time. Walking Together at Holy Family Counseling Center If navigating these internal movements feels overwhelming, remember that you don’t have to follow the star alone. At Holy Family Counseling Center , we specialize in walking alongside individuals and families as they integrate their psychological health with their Catholic faith. Whether you are struggling to identify your Herod or simply need a safe space to process the myrrh in your life, our clinicians are here to help you find that other way toward healing and peace.

When and How to Make Amends: Discernment, Boundaries, and the Catholic Call to Healing

By Peter Attridge, PhD • November 11, 2025
As a Catholic therapist, I often sit with clients who are wrestling with a deeply human question: When is it the right time to make amends ? Whether it’s reaching out to someone who has hurt them, or considering their own responsibility in a fractured relationship, the process of healing often leads us into the tender territory of reconciliation. But forgiveness and reconciliation aren’t the same thing. Forgiveness is something we’re called to offer freely—an act of the will that releases resentment and gives us peace, even when the other person hasn’t apologized. Reconciliation, on the other hand, is a step that involves two people. And discerning when—or even if—that step should be taken requires wisdom, prayer, and often, boundaries. Let’s explore how we can approach this process with care and courage, supported by both therapeutic tools and the richness of our Catholic faith. Discerning the Right Time to Make Amends Discernment is a familiar concept in Catholic life. We use it to seek God's will in big decisions—vocations, careers, relationships. But it’s just as important in the smaller, more personal moments too, like choosing when to reach out to someone who has hurt us, or someone we may have hurt. Therapy can be a valuable space for this kind of discernment. Sometimes the desire to make amends comes from a sincere place of healing and readiness. Other times, it may be driven by guilt, pressure, or a longing for closure that the other person may not be able to give. In our sessions, I often help clients explore their motivations. Are you seeking peace, or permission? Healing, or validation? Discernment is about honesty—with yourself, with God, and with your emotional limits. St. Ignatius of Loyola offers a helpful framework for discernment rooted in prayerful reflection, noticing the movements of the heart. If the thought of reconciliation brings a sense of peace, courage, and compassion, it may be time. If it stirs anxiety, dread, or a sense of obligation, it may be wise to wait, or to approach things differently. The Role of Boundaries in Forgiveness and Healing One of the most common misconceptions I hear, especially among people of faith, is that setting boundaries is somehow un-Christian. But in truth, boundaries are acts of love —toward ourselves and others. They help define what is safe, respectful, and life-giving in a relationship. Forgiveness does not mean allowing someone to continue harming us. Christ calls us to forgive, yes, even “seventy times seven” times (Matthew 18:22), but He does not call us to abandon prudence or endure abuse. Remember, even Jesus withdrew from hostile crowds at times (John 10:39), and He taught that reconciliation involves both repentance and change (Luke 17:3-4). In therapy, we often work on developing “healthy boundaries” that allow us to engage with others from a place of strength and safety. For example, it’s okay to forgive a parent for past wounds without allowing them to manipulate your present life. It’s okay to love a sibling from a distance if closeness continues to result in harm. And it’s okay to hope for reconciliation without forcing it to happen. Boundaries are not walls; they are gates. They give us the freedom to let people in—but only when it is healthy and appropriate to do so. Making Amends with Compassion and Clarity If and when the time does come to make amends, whether as the person extending forgiveness or the one asking for it, approaching the conversation with humility and clarity is essential. We can take inspiration from the Sacrament of Reconciliation, where the process of confession involves examining our conscience, naming our sins, expressing true contrition, and receiving both forgiveness and guidance. Similarly, when making amends in our personal lives, we begin by acknowledging what happened—not defensively, but honestly. We share how the situation has affected us. We listen. We don’t demand immediate restoration, but we open the door to it. And sometimes, we might take that step and find that the other person isn’t ready. Or they respond with defensiveness, denial, or more harm. That’s when we return to our boundaries. Forgiveness is still possible, but reconciliation may need to remain a hope rather than a present reality. Spiritual Guidance Along the Way Throughout this process, our faith can be an anchor. Prayer becomes a conversation with the God who knows every wound and walks with us through every step of healing. The saints offer examples of both radical forgiveness and wise discernment. St. Monica, for instance, teaches us about perseverance in love and prayer without enabling harmful behavior. St. Maria Goretti’s story is often cited for her forgiveness, but we also remember her clarity in saying no to harm. And of course, the Sacraments nourish us. Receiving the Eucharist strengthens us to love like Christ. Confession helps us experience God’s mercy, so we can extend it more freely to others. Spiritual direction can also be helpful when navigating complex relationships and emotional burdens through a faith-based lens. Trusting the Slow Work of Healing Making amends and setting boundaries aren’t one-time decisions. They are part of an ongoing, unfolding process of healing. We may feel ready one day and hesitant the next. That’s okay. Forgiveness is not linear, and relationships—especially broken ones—rarely heal overnight. But I’ve seen firsthand the beauty that emerges when people engage in this work with courage. When they honor both their pain and their desire for peace. When they protect their hearts with boundaries, but still remain open to love. And when they trust that, even if reconciliation is not possible now, it may one day be—with God’s grace. In Conclusion If you’re in the midst of wrestling with whether to make amends, take heart. It’s not an easy decision, and it doesn’t have to be rushed. Therapy can offer tools and support. Your faith can offer wisdom and hope. And both can help you move forward with peace. Forgiveness will always be a part of the journey. But reconciliation? That’s something we discern, with prayer and prudence. And no matter where you land—whether you reach out, stay silent, or hold space from afar—you are not alone in the journey. If you haven’t yet read Part One of this series, I encourage you to explore the foundations of forgiveness and healing in both therapy and Catholic tradition. That post dives into the inner process of releasing pain and embracing God’s mercy—a powerful first step before considering reconciliation. May you be filled with gentleness, wisdom, and the peace that comes from the One who forgave us first. Forgiveness can feel impossible at times—but it’s also one of the most healing gifts we can give ourselves. If you're carrying the weight of resentment or hurt and feel ready to explore a path toward release and peace, therapy can help. At Holy Family Counseling Center , we create a safe space to process the past, understand your emotions, and move forward with intention. Connect with us when you're ready—we’re here to walk that path with you.

The Gift of Forgiveness: Healing Relationships Through Therapy and God's Mercy

By Peter Attridge, PhD • October 27, 2025
Forgiveness & Healing: Therapy and Catholic Perspectives on Reconciliation