Good Shepherd Newsletter 3

Staff

Competency 3: Sustaining a Healthy Lifestyle

Posted by  on April 20, 2020

Chances are this newsletter came by email. It was one of many in the day, one more notification in a long string of notifications. There were likely other notifications: telephone calls, text messages, notes, fellow clergy or staff asking a question, calendar reminders, even reminders to take a break. When do the notifications end? When does the workday end?

 

On the tail-end of a pandemic and the demand it has placed on many professions and vocations, it may not be surprising that 76% of employed adults in the U.S are experiencing burnout symptoms (Spring Health, 2021). Data over the last year shows that the Covid-19 pandemic and political issues are the largest current contributors at 57% and 33%, respectively (Springhealth, 2021).

 

What exactly is burnout? Burnout takes the form of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion that can be caused by excessive exposure to stress. Burnout is most noticeable through feelings of being overwhelmed, emotionally spent, and unable to meet constant demands. As the stress continues, interest and motivation in the chosen vocation begins to wane. As burnout increases, productivity begins to decrease as do energy levels, which may lead to feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and resentfulness. Additionally, cynicism may find its way into daily interactions and the feeling that there is nothing more to give becomes more powerful.

 

The effect of burnout spills over into every area of life—including your home, work, and social life. Additionally, long-term changes to your body that make you vulnerable to illnesses like insomnia, colds, and flu can occur. Dealing with burnout is important in order to head off these negative possibilities.


Signs and symptoms of burnout

There may be mornings when dragging out of bed requires every bit of energy and prayer that can be mustered. Most people experience days when they feel overloaded, helpless, or underappreciated. When this feeling is pervasive, burnout may be on the horizon. The process of burnout is gradual and doesn’t happen overnight. The signs and symptoms are subtle at first, but become worse as time goes on. An easy way to remember this is like the check engine light on a vehicle. Sometimes the light appears because there is a problem, but one that can be easily fixed. Visiting a mechanic may be put off, the car seems to be running fine, and since there is not an obvious repair needed, it can wait. However, the longer it takes to get a repair, the worse the problem gets. Something that could have been easily fixed got worse over time as it wasn’t noticed. Paying attention and actively reducing stress, can prevent a major breakdown in life as well.

Physical signs and symptoms of burnout emotional signs and symptoms of burnout behavioral signs and symptoms of burnout

Recognizing burnout

 

The ability to recognize burnout is often difficult. Often, it appears as stress, but stress has an endpoint that can be seen; if everything can be accomplished there is light at the end of the tunnel. Burnout is the cause of unrelenting stress and involves feelings of not being enough. Motivation disappears, mental exhaustion creeps in, and there is a feeling of emptiness. Often, in these situations it may seem that there is no chance of positive change. Burnout can feel like we are all dried up and have nothing left to give.


Work related causes of burnout

  • Feeling like you have little or no control over your work.
  • Lack of recognition of reward for good work.
  • Unclear or overly demanding job expectations.
  • Doing work that’s monotonous or unchallenging.

Lifestyle causes of burnout

  • Working too much, without enough time for socializing or relaxing.
  • Lack of close, supportive relationships.
  • Taking on too many responsibilities, without enough help from others.
  • Not getting enough sleep. Personality traits can contribute to burnout
  • Perfectionists tendencies; nothing is ever good enough.
  • Pessimistic view of yourself and the world.
  • The need to be in control; reluctance to delegate to others.
  • High-achieving, Type A personality

Some are able to notice the signs of burnout and some push past the boundaries of exhaustion without ever realizing it. Regardless of one’s ability to notice burnout, if it is not addressed in healthy ways it can lead to further physical, emotional, and spiritual distress. How does one deal with burnout? 

  • Recognize: Watch for the warning signs of burnout.
  • Reverse: Undo the damage by seeking support and managing stress.
  • Resilience: Build your resilience to stress by taking care of your physical and emotional health.


Below we will explore ways to manage burnout.


A. Health and Wellness

The goal of exercise, in order to prevent burnout, is not to become a King David or Samson, but rather to allow our bodies moments of reprieve. Throughout history, mankind has been on the move, traveling from place to place, working the fields, as technology has made our lives easier it makes regular movement a little more difficult. There may not be a need to get up for hours as you pour over emails and write homilies. Regular exercise can have a positive effect reducing stress, anxiety and depression. A recent study by the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health found that running for 15 minutes a day or walking for an hour reduces the risk of major depression by 26%.


Does the thought of carving out an hour of your day to walk cause more stress than the actual walk can alleviate? No worries, current recommendations are to include at least 30 minutes of exercise everyday. This can be done all at once, or broken up into shorter periods of time throughout the day. Rhythmic exercise (moving both arms and legs) is a natural way of boosting mood, increasing focus and energy. Often this time can be used as a time for prayer and contemplation, perhaps walking for as long as it takes to pray the rosary. Alternatively, listening to your favorite music or podcast might also make the time more enjoyable. Fresh air and time away from the demands of a busy schedule provide needed distraction to break out of the cycle of negative thoughts that feed depression and anxiety and provide a fresh outlook.


Research indicates that moderate levels of exercise are what most people need. Moderate exercise can be determined if breathing is a little heavier than normal, but not so out of breath that you cannot carry on a conversation, and that your body feels slightly warmer but not necessarily breaking into a sweat. There are always obstacles to exercising, if it were easy this newsletter would not need to be written. The most important part is to start small. Setting goals that are extravagant when feeling stressed or under the weather is a recipe for disaster. Do what you can when you can and be proud of the small achievements and build from there! Schedule your workouts when your energy levels are high, while waiting until the end of the day may be easier, it is often better to exercise when you know you will have the energy. Focus on doing exercises that you enjoy and remember to invite others to these activities with you.


Part of making exercise a priority involves letting go of thoughts related to work and allowing yourself to focus on your body as it moves. How does the ground feel under your feet? Can you feel the wind on your skin? How heavy is the weight in your hand? Being present in the moment and noticing these physical sensations is a large part of how exercise can help rejuvenate us. Exercise also has a positive effect on our immune systems. When exercise is combined with a healthy diet the improvements are often noticeable.


Most nutritionists will agree that the “calories in, calories out” approach is where everyone needs to be. This simple statement means that to maintain a healthy diet, we should be putting in the same amount, or less, in calories than we exert throughout the day. One way to do this is to minimize sugar and refined carbs; old Halloween candy or a medium fry may hit the spot, but it will lead to a crash later in the day. Attempt to reduce foods and liquids that can affect your mood, such as caffeine, overly processed foods, or those with large amounts of hormones. Coffee is great….in moderation (Sorry...had to.). Omega-3 fatty acids give your mood a boost; these include fatty fish (salmon, herring, mackerel, sardines), seaweed, and walnuts. Avoid nicotine; smoking may seem calming but nicotine is a stimulant and can increase anxiety and stress. Drink alcohol in moderation. Alcohol temporarily reduces worry, but too much can cause anxiety as it wears off.


Eating healthy doesn’t have to be difficult but it does require some planning out of your meals. Try taking some time in your day off to plan your meals for the week. What items do you need from the grocery store? Don’t try to complicate it. Sources such as Emeals, Blue Apron, Hello Fresh and other “subscription” boxes can be a good source of new recipes for both lunch and dinner. When grocery shopping, try to stay along the edges of the grocery store and away from the aisles (where the processed food is primarily located) as much as possible. Remember, if you have dietary issues, try meeting with a nutritionist. They can help guide you to foods that your body can more easily digest.


Small investments in both diet and exercise can be of benefit in reducing burnout and emotional stress. The payout of making incremental changes in these areas will show dividends within your vocation.


B. Simple ways to recharge

Just as making small investments in diet and exercise can produce big changes, the same goes for how we find ways to recharge in our daily lives. In addition to the physical strains that we may experience with burnout, there are emotional strains as well. In our last newsletter, we focused on the importance that fraternal connections have in helping maintain positive emotional health. In addition to reaching out to others, there are simple ways of dealing with the emotional turmoil that may arise from burnout. Journaling can be an excellent way of dealing with emotions. When we can put our thoughts and feelings down on paper, we give our minds more bandwidth to focus on tasks during the day. In addition, it is often helpful to focus on the emotions we are feeling, positive or negative, and learn how to accept them. Accepting emotions does not mean that we approve of them, it is simply an acknowledgement of how we are feeling. In addiction recovery there is a common phrase, “Let go and let God.” This phrase is a reminder that if thoughts and emotions can be let go of, there is less to worry about.


One of the most effective exercises to reduce stress that can be done anytime throughout the day is that of deep-breathing. First, when practicing this sit deeply into your chair. Closing your eyes take a deep breath and let it slowly go out. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth slowly. When inhaling, breathe in so deeply that your stomach will expand. We do this naturally when sleeping but most of us never bring the deeper/lower lobes of our lungs into our normal breathing unless we’re exercising. So again, breathe in deeply, perhaps count to five to make sure you take the time you need to fill your lungs more completely. Breathe in and then slowly out, making sure you exhale completely. Repeat this for about three or four times until you notice your body beginning to relax. At the same time and while keeping your eyes closed, think about your face, shoulders, arms, hands, legs, feet and muscles. Aiming to release the tension stored in those various places, relax as you imagine the tension flowing out of your body. With gentle awareness notice your shoulders. Are they high or low and drop them, allowing the world to roll off. Notice your back and your stomach, your upper and lower legs; wiggle your feet and ankles. Foster a calm awareness of which parts of your body have tense muscles and try to relax those muscles while continuing to breathe deeply and almost imagining the air of your deep breaths going into them and relaxing them. Sitting deeply in your chair you will feel heavy. Continue this until you feel like your whole body has finally relaxed. Initially it might take longer than three to five minutes, but as you do this greater frequency and regularity, you will learn to relax and will be able to do it more and more quickly.


C. Engage in things you are passionate about

For the context of this article, let us consider this non-theological notion of passions: people, places, interests, activities, and situations/circumstances that simultaneously (and paradoxically) energize us and deplete us in a healthy way. Our natural passions are a gift from God, as are our innate talents, out of which God means us to live the abundant life of joy and peace. Many of you became priests in response to a natural passion to lovingly serve our Lord and his people. You know well the reality of feeling energized during priestly work followed by the reality of feeling exhausted by and after an intensive measure of it.


How do we recognize our natural passions? When people are fully engaged or immersed in a natural passion, the following phenomena are commonplace: we lose track of time, we feel an enthusiasm, an alertness, a keen focus, a lack of distraction, a sense of being nourished or rejuvenated, even a ‘good’ anxiety which clinicians refer to eustress. We read an analogy of these phenomena in the Transfiguration story mainly through Peter’s ecstatic words.


As with our sensual appetites, it is wise (and therefore holy and virtuous) to moderate and balance our natural passions in order to sustain the kind of healthy lifestyle needed to vigorously serve our Lord and his people. It is commonly observed that any single over-weighted or over-utilized passion tends to result in one’s decreasing revitalization and increasing depletion over time. In the worst-case scenario, such a trend can lead to burn-out or collapse.


So make a habit of indulging your natural passions in a consistently balanced manner. You may find it useful to inventory or catalog them using the PIES model:


  • Physical: Generally means some form of exercise or bodily exertion
  • Intellectual: What do you love to learn about?
  • Emotional : ‘Wasting’ quality time with great friends •
  • Spiritual: Drawing closer to our Lord in relationship


These are the dimensions of our humanity and within them each of us can probably identify at least one natural passion. When we attend to nurturing all four of these aspects of personhood, we will sustain the healthy lifestyle needed for mission service.

Strengthening Marriages: Therapy and the Catholic Vision of Sacramental Love

By Peter Attridge, PhD, LMFT • August 18, 2025
Marriage, within the Catholic tradition, is more than a civil contract; it is a sacred covenant—a sacrament that mirrors Christ's love for the Church. This divine institution calls couples to a life of mutual self-giving, fidelity, and openness to life. However, the journey of married life is not without its challenges. Even the most devout couples may encounter periods of difficulty, whether due to communication breakdowns, emotional distance, or external stresses. In such times, marriage therapy can serve as a beacon of hope, offering tools to rebuild and strengthen the marital bond. This article delves into the intersection of therapeutic practices and Catholic teachings, exploring how professional counseling can align with and enhance the sacramental understanding of marriage. The Catholic Understanding of Marriage At the heart of Catholic doctrine is the belief that marriage is a sacrament instituted by Christ. As outlined in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, "The marriage covenant, by which a man and a woman form with each other an intimate communion of life and love, has been founded and endowed with its own special laws by the Creator" . This covenant is characterized by three essential goods: unity, indissolubility, and openness to fertility.( Vatican , USCCB ) Unity Marriage unites a man and a woman into "one flesh," transcending individual desires to form a singular, harmonious partnership. This unity is not merely physical but encompasses emotional, spiritual, and intellectual dimensions. It calls for a deep, abiding connection that reflects the unity between Christ and His Church. Indissolubility The Catholic Church teaches that marriage is a lifelong commitment. Jesus' words, "What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder" (Mark 10:9), underscore the permanence of the marital bond. This indissolubility is not contingent upon circumstances but is a testament to the enduring nature of divine love.( St. Charles Borromeo ). Openness to Fertility Marriage, in its fullest sense, is ordered toward the procreation and education of children. The Catechism states, "Children are the supreme gift of marriage and contribute greatly to the good of the parents themselves" . Even couples who are unable to have children can live out this openness through acts of love, hospitality, and service.( Vatican ). The Role of Therapy in Strengthening Marriages While the sacramental understanding of marriage provides a spiritual framework, therapy offers practical tools to navigate the complexities of married life. Professional counseling can help couples address issues such as communication breakdowns, emotional disconnection, and external stresses. Therapists employ various modalities to assist couples in strengthening their relationship a few of which are included below: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) Developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, EFT is grounded in attachment theory and focuses on the emotional bond between partners. It aims to identify negative interaction patterns and replace them with positive cycles of interaction. EFT has been shown to be effective in treating relationship distress and fostering secure emotional bonds .( Verywell Mind ) The Gottman Method Based on extensive research by Drs. John and Julie Schwartz Gottman, this method emphasizes the importance of building a sound relationship foundation, managing conflict constructively, and creating shared meaning. It provides couples with practical tools to enhance communication and deepen intimacy .( Verywell Mind ). Imago Relationship Therapy Developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, Imago Therapy focuses on transforming conflict into healing opportunities. It encourages partners to understand each other's childhood wounds and how they influence current relationship dynamics. The therapy employs structured dialogues to promote empathy and understanding .( Verywell Mind ) Integrating Therapy with Catholic Teachings Therapy and Catholic teachings are not mutually exclusive; rather, they can complement each other in fostering a thriving marriage. Catholic couples can integrate therapeutic practices with their faith by: Engaging in Shared Prayer: Regular prayer together invites God's presence into the relationship, fostering spiritual intimacy. Participating in the Sacraments: Regular reception of the Eucharist and the Sacrament of Reconciliation strengthens the couple's bond and commitment. Living Out Catholic Values: Practicing virtues such as patience, kindness, and forgiveness aligns with both therapeutic principles and Catholic teachings. Seeking Pastoral Support: Engaging with a parish priest or spiritual director can provide guidance and support in living out the sacrament of marriage. By integrating therapy with Catholic teachings, couples can cultivate a deeper, more resilient, and more loving union that reflects God's own love. Marriage, as envisioned in the Catholic faith, is a sacred covenant that calls couples to live out a love that is self-giving, faithful, and open to life. While challenges are inevitable, therapy offers couples the tools to navigate these difficulties and strengthen their bond. By integrating therapeutic practices with Catholic teachings, couples can build a marriage that not only endures but thrives, becoming a testament to the love of Christ for His Church. Every relationship faces seasons of struggle, and seeking support is a sign of strength—not failure. Whether you're looking to improve communication, rebuild trust, or simply grow closer, we’re here to help. At Holy Family Counseling Center we offer couples therapy rooted in empathy, honesty, and proven tools to strengthen your connection. Reach out today and let’s work together to nurture your marriage.

Navigating Grief and Loss: Therapy and the Catholic Theology of Hope and Resurrection

By Peter Attridge, PhD, LMFT • August 15, 2025
Grief & Hope: Therapy and Catholic Teachings on Loss and Eternal Life Grief is something that touches all of us eventually. It may arrive suddenly with the death of a loved one, linger quietly through the end of a relationship, or follow the quiet disappointment of a long-held dream falling apart. Whatever the cause, the pain of loss often arrives uninvited and stays longer than we expect. It can leave us feeling like the ground beneath our feet has shifted, upending our sense of security, meaning, and identity. In these moments, therapy offers a way to make sense of the pain, to find meaning in suffering, and — slowly but surely — to begin healing. For people of faith, particularly within the Catholic tradition, grief is not something to be merely endured. It’s something that can be transformed through the lens of Christ’s death and resurrection. By combining psychological support with theological hope, the journey through grief can become not just a passage through sorrow, but also a path toward deeper love, connection, and peace. The Complexity of Grief: Not a Straight Line One of the most common misconceptions about grief is that it follows a predictable sequence. Many of us are familiar with the "five stages of grief" — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages, first introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, are helpful in recognizing the emotions involved in loss, but they’re not a strict roadmap. Real grief is messy (see our blog article here ). It doesn’t move in a straight line. Some days, you might feel like you’ve made peace with the loss; on others, a small memory can unravel you unexpectedly. Therapists understand this complexity. In therapy, you’re given a space to express the full range of your emotions without judgment. That in itself can be healing—being able to cry, vent, or sit silently and just be seen. Many therapists use grief specific approaches to help people understand the depth of their emotions and develop tools to cope. These approaches focus not only on processing the pain but also on exploring the significance of the relationship that was lost and the meaning that can still be drawn from it. For some, however, grief becomes more than sorrow. It becomes stuck. This form of suffering, often referred to as complicated grief or prolonged grief disorder (PGD), involves intense, long-lasting emotions that disrupt daily life and relationships. These symptoms can include persistent yearning, preoccupation with the loss, emotional numbness, or an inability to experience joy. When grief lingers and paralyzes rather than gradually integrates into life, therapy becomes not just helpful—it becomes essential. In these more complex cases, the goal is to help individuals accept the reality of their loss while reengaging with life in meaningful ways. It’s not about forgetting or moving on. It’s about learning to carry grief differently—to make space for both sorrow and hope. A Catholic Lens on Death, Loss, and What Comes After While therapy addresses the psychological and emotional dimensions of grief, Catholic theology speaks to the spiritual side of the experience. Our faith doesn’t deny the sorrow of death. It fully acknowledges the pain of separation, the weight of absence. But it also insists—gently but firmly—that death is not the final word. At the heart of our faith is the resurrection of Christ. This central truth shapes how Catholics understand death—not as an end, but as a passage to new life. In the Gospel of John, Jesus offers the words that echo across centuries: “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live” (John 11:25–26). These words are not a dismissal of grief; they are an anchor in the storm of sorrow, a promise that love is stronger than death. This belief is not just abstract theology. It’s woven into the very rituals that surround death. Catholic funeral rites, including the Vigil, the Funeral Mass, and the Rite of Committal, are structured to help mourners grieve, pray, and hope. The Mass of Christian Burial is both a farewell and a celebration. It entrusts the soul of the deceased to God’s mercy while comforting those left behind with prayers, Scripture, and the Eucharist—a visible sign of Christ’s victory over death. We also draw comfort from the communion of saints—the belief that the faithful, living and deceased, remain united in Christ. This sense of connection helps many people feel that their loved ones are not lost to them, but remain close in spirit, interceding and awaiting reunion in eternal life. It transforms the relationship, but it does not sever it. According to The Catholic Free Press, prayer during and after the funeral, the support of the faith community, and the hope of resurrection all contribute to easing the sting of grief. This hope doesn’t erase the sadness, but it surrounds it with meaning. Finding Healing in the Integration of Therapy and Faith What’s truly powerful is the way that therapy and faith can work together in times of loss. You don’t have to choose between the two. In fact, integrating both can offer the most comprehensive support. Therapy provides the space to wrestle with painful emotions, while faith gives language to mystery, sorrow, and redemption. Some therapists incorporate a client’s spiritual beliefs directly into the therapeutic process. A Catholic might be invited to reflect on Scripture, to write a letter to their loved one as a form of prayer, or to explore the concept of redemptive suffering—that even in our pain, we are united with Christ. These spiritual practices can offer comfort and a sense of sacredness during a time that might otherwise feel chaotic and empty. Faith can also inspire action in grief. Many people find healing in honoring their loved one through acts of love and service—volunteering, creating something meaningful, or simply continuing traditions that keep memories alive. These acts don’t make the grief go away, but they help reframe it as something that can shape your life with beauty and purpose. Community plays a vital role here too. Being part of a parish, attending grief support groups, or simply leaning on trusted friends in faith can make an incredible difference. Shared prayer, communal rituals, and simply being around others who “get it” can bring relief that is both emotional and spiritual. Moving Through Grief Toward New Life It’s important to remember that healing doesn’t mean forgetting. Love doesn’t end when someone dies. It changes form. Grief is a sign of love, and love, in the Catholic tradition, is eternal. This perspective is beautifully echoed in the words of St. Augustine: “If you knew the gift of God and what heaven is... wipe away your tears and weep no more if you love me” ( Our Sunday Visitor ). These aren’t instructions to suppress sorrow, but reminders that death is not the end of the story. When we allow ourselves to grieve fully, supported by therapy and guided by faith, we begin to see how grief itself can be transformed. It doesn’t go away, but it becomes lighter, more manageable. It makes room for joy again, for connection, and for a deeper appreciation of the people still present in our lives. In time, those who grieve may find themselves living not in spite of loss, but in honor of it—carrying forward the love they received, guided by the hope of eternal reunion, and strengthened by the compassionate tools of therapy and the enduring promises of their faith. Final Reflection Grief will never be easy, but it can be holy. It can be a time of brokenness and also of deep transformation. With the help of compassionate therapists and the enduring light of Catholic hope, it is possible to find meaning, peace, and even renewal in the shadow of loss. You don’t have to go through this alone. Whether it’s sitting with a therapist, lighting a candle at Mass, whispering a prayer through tears, or simply reaching out to someone who understands—every small step matters. Together, therapy and Catholic theology remind us that grief is not a sign of weakness or failure. It is a testament to love. And love, in the end, is what endures. Healing begins with connection—and taking the first step can be the hardest part. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, stuck, or simply curious about how therapy could help, we invite you to connect with us at Holy Family Counseling Center. Our team is here to listen, support, and walk alongside you with care and intention. Send us a message or give us a call—we’re ready when you are.

The Way Retreat

July 10, 2025
Holy Family Counseling Center therapist, Irene Rowland, LPC will be supporting The Way Retreat with Sue Stubbs, MS, NCC