Good Shepherd Newsletter 7

Staff

Newsletter 7: Holiness Out of Temptation:
“The devil made me do it”

Posted by Holy Family Counseling Centers Staff on April 20, 2020

From Sin As Addiction (Gerald McCormick) Sin as spiral (“a sense of the dragon”): Here, sin is experienced as “habit, as some sort of a disorder of the will, as a power or a demon with a will and plan of its own”. In this perspective sin is like a virus, attacking where it wills and getting worse in the process. “We live in a world in which sin is a deadly and contagious virus which threatens, saps and debilitates our moral and spiritual health and lives”. All the way back in the ‘70s, a very successful comedian named Flip Wilson turned “the Devil made me do it” into a meme of the day. He would do something outrageous in plain sight, then grin into the camera and say, “Th e Devil made me do it.” Th e audience would howl because everyone was in on the joke. Treat yourself to a laugh with this clip: https://youtu.be/zGKAaPM72UY


A. The Relationship Between Psychological and Spiritual Realities.

Everyone knew that Flip was exploiting a bit of theology to avoid taking responsibility for bad behavior. When Flip Wilson did it, it was absurdist comedy, yet for some it has become a standard explanation for poor behavior and bad choices. The facile use of this way of thinking has the inherent danger of a loss of personal integrity that comes with the abdication of personal responsibility. It becomes very convenient when we can blame the Devil, or someone, or something else for that matter. Our worst behavior and the expectation to take responsibility for it is easily dismissed. No matter what the transgression or error, the implication is the same: an external agent of evil/mitigating circumstance has taken control of us.


This kind of devil-based theology includes an important but unstated message: When I’m good it is attributable directly to me, but if I do something reprehensible, just blame it on the Devil or an “other.” The incongruence becomes evident when praise is mine and blame belongs to someone or something else.


Accepting personal responsibility as a lesson in humility is a healthy remedy. It is an exercise of maturity, virtue and integrity to simply say: “I did it. I’m not proud of it, but I did it.” The motivation probably comes from a deep perhaps barely explored part of our own psyche, but it is us, “me”. The fruit of a good examination of conscience can help tease out personal responsibility, tacit or explicit cooperation with evil, or an awareness that it was out of our control.


While identifying that something is out of our control may be giving the devil his due, it is in taking personal responsibility for our faults and failures that we participate in that amazing grace that liberates. There is a remarkable contemporary pushback to admitting the possibility, if not the reality, of some kind of spiritual warfare going on in our lives and in the world. Typically at this point many of us will feel uncomfortable and become reluctant to consider giving the devil his due in a discussion of spiritual warfare. Yet dealing with the forces of evil is undeniably a part of Jesus’ narrative and ministry. Casting out demons is among the first miracles reported by Jesus’ disciples upon their return from mission. As a Christian tradition we celebrate the theological reality that grace builds on nature, but seem surprisingly reluctant to admit that spiritual evil does indeed comprise our nature. Sometimes things really are both/and; not necessarily either/or. Among the many scripture passages that give us pause on this score, these two can act as a challenge to reconsider our reluctance.: Ephesians 6:12: “For our struggle is not with flesh and blood but with the principalities, with the powers, with the world rulers of this present darkness, with the evil spirits in the heavens”, and 1 Peter 5: 8: “Be sober and vigilant. Your opponent the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion looking for [someone] to devour. Resist him, steadfast in faith, knowing that your fellow believers throughout the world undergo the same sufferings.”


Suffice to say that a strategy is needed here as we tease out where any battle is being fought in our lives. While acknowledging the realities of a present circumstance, be open to discerning the influence of the Accuser, our ancient foe. Celebrate the thought that through Christ’s saving work we are not the enemy despite our faults and failings and as long as we avoid falling into agreements/cooperation with any aspect of evil. Simply strive to stand your ground by claiming that you are among the redeemed sinners that in Christ are clinging to that Truth of being redeemed and freed by the Blood of the Lamb. Living in goodness and truth is always a challenge, yet strive to avoid being intimidated by your weaknesses and imperfections. Celebrate who you know Christ is calling you to be, despite any apparent lack of progress, confident that God is indeed with you, and that you have been entrusted with a very important mission. Ultimately, you may feel dragged through the mud, battered and tried, but so it is for every resistance fighter.


B. Mental, Emotional, and Physical Signs of Temptation

Acknowledging the realities of temptation in our lives can be hard to accomplish. Acknowledging these realities requires a level of introspection that might be hard to maintain. Who hasn’t heard someone say that a dessert, drink, or show is their ‘weakness’? This is a lighthearted acknowledgement that these people are easily tempted by one of these items. It is in our human nature to become comfortable with our habits and routines. An enemy worth their salt knows that the easiest way to tempt someone is to do it through what they are most comfortable with. In order to resist temptation we must be aware of ways in which we can be tempted.


In the world of addiction recovery, there are numerous adages about the struggles with earthly temptations. As people struggled with addiction they learned to notice when their temptations were at their worst. During the process of recovery, addicts would notice that they were most vulnerable to their temptations when they were Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired. These four areas of life touch our humanity in the most vulnerable areas and can lead to temptations being much more difficult to overcome.


Hunger can be related to physical and emotional needs. To be physically hungry is fairly straightforward. We all know when we need to eat. However, it is also important to know how we respond emotionally when we are hungry. Does anger creep in? Can we be short with others? Do we recognize our emotional changes that come with being hungry? We can be hungry for other things as well. Do you notice when you are hungry for affection, accomplishment, or understanding? When physical hunger is not met, our body converts stores of fat into energy for our body to run. When our emotional hunger is not met, our minds can make up for it with knowledge of who we are. However, this leads to a phenomenon called ego depletion. Ego depletion is the idea that our mental resources of willpower and self-control depend upon a limited supply of mental resources that need constant replenishing.


As an emotion, Anger often gets a bad rap, however, anger is a normal and healthy emotion to experience. A key to staying on the healthy side of the spectrum of anger is to pause and understand the cause of the anger. We can be angry at people, situations, or ourselves. Anger can be due to one episode, or it can be an ongoing event in our lives. Anger is often a secondary emotion, it arises as a tool to keep us safe from what we are really trying to hide. Ask yourself, what is under the anger. Is it fear? Sadness? Shame? If the root of anger is not sought out and examined it can easily turn into resentment or other less healthy emotions. Let us not forget the words of the Jedi Master, Yoda: “Fear is the path to the dark side… fear leads to anger… anger leads to hate… hate leads to suffering.”


We can experience loneliness when we are by ourselves or when we are surrounded by people. Loneliness occurs when we isolate ourselves (mentally, physically, or emotionally) from others. This may happen because we are afraid, think others may not understand us, or have doubts about who we are. Isolating ourselves leads to the things we are trying to avoid growing in intensity. When we willingly remove ourselves from support systems, we allow the negative beliefs to foment. The Devil can tempt us to be afraid and discouraged in these times of isolation causing us to question if we are really loved. This can tempt us to hold onto transgressions against us and fail to forgive or understand where others are coming from.


Over the last two years, tiredness may be the gateway to temptation that we experience more than anything else. Being tired takes a toll on our minds, hearts, and bodies. Our days have been packed with errands, meetings, and navigating the emotional waters of a pandemic and the associated fallout. When we are tired we compromise our ability to compromise. This allows the temptation for division with others to take hold and begin to fester. Tiredness occurs in much the same way as hunger in that we can be mentally, physically, and emotionally tired. When we experience tiredness we do not have the ability to raise our defenses easily and our capacity to cope with various stressors becomes much more difficult. Taking the time to HALT each day can be an antidote to temptation.


Taking the time to ask ourselves, “Am I hungry, angry, lonely, or tired?” is a good way to check in with our ability to handle life’s stresses.


C. Antidotes to Temptations

Many times after experiencing temptations, near occasions of sin, or even having committed a sin, we repent; make an effort to not fall back into sin; and try to put the event behind us. However, this method is like trying to heal a wound without proper medical attention. Sure, it could heal, but it is going to take longer and in some cases leaves us festering in our struggle.


What if, instead, we approached temptations and sin with the understanding that our soul is trying to tell us something about what it needs in order to function and heal properly. This requires some attention and reflection on what led up to a particular temptation or sin, allowing us to highlight whether Hunger, Anger, Loneliness, or being Tired contributed to our experiences. We are psychological and spiritual beings, therefore, any approach to heal the soul should include both an antidote to the psyche and the anima. These antidotes are not miracle cures or fixes; just as a band-aid and anti-bacterial ointment do not immediately heal a wound; rather, they are tools which help a person manage HALT on a psychological and spiritual level. From the psychological perspective we will look to process what control we have over these different states in order to develop a better sense of self-regulation. The spiritual perspective; however, will look at what we seek to control that really belongs to God’s mercy. As you read this, we invite you to consider the full Serenity Prayer, as a framework for understanding the struggles of the soul; namely,what is mine to do and what do I need to leave to God’s loving providence.


HUNGER: Hunger illicites the psychological defense to seek comfort over balanced eating, sleeping, exercising, and learning. This is done in order to avoid being confronted with one’s insufficiencies. While the spiritual temptation is the belief that I have the power to make God stop loving me; this feeds one’s shame which leads to the avoidance of participating in prayer and the sacraments.


  • Psychological: The psychological antidote to hunger is temperance. This virtue is about finding a balance which seeks to maintain the right order of body and mind. It is crucial to make sure that we are getting the right nutrition, sleep, and exercise to help the body function properly. Balanced meals, 8 hours of sleep, and 30 minutes of exercise have shown to significantly improve a person’s resilience. The window of tolerance for patience can be shortened due to poor diet, sleep, and exercise, and in many cases can be remedied with a good meal, full night’s rest, and a 30 min walk. However, an antidote to hunger is not solely about feeding the body, but also the mind. It is important to be engaged in intellectual development, as a way to expand and grow one’s perceptions, as well as,develop a deeper and richer view of the world.

  • Spiritual: The spiritual antidote to hunger is humility. We are sinners who are beloved by our Heavenly Father. We are made for love and our souls crave it. The struggle here is that we cannot control whether others love us; or even how others choose to manifest that love to us. Therefore, it is important to monitor and gauge how much our soul is aware of the love of God, and His love through others. That is why prayer, sacraments, and sacramentals are essential to feeding the soul; they are the avenue by which we encounter the mercy and love of God. So too, conversation and encounters with friends are ways to remind ourselves of the love of God and love that others have for us. It revives the soul and allows it to feel at rest. Even in the business of our lives, 10 minutes of prayer or a conversation can be a powerful way of grounding oneself in the truth that you are loved by God.


ANGER: The psychological defense is to seek to control or be responsible for other peoples’ actions, beliefs, or feelings. This is done in order to prevent future or further hurt that the other person may have caused. This seeks to avoid grasping the reality of our powerlessness in the face of others. The spiritual temptation is to believe that God does not care enough to seek your good. This results in one dictating how the mercy and justice of God should operate; which leads one to avoid offering to God how others have hurt him This in turn inhibits trust with God.


  • Psychological (temptation: to control others and situations): The psychological antidote to anger is justice, that is, learning to live in the right relationship with others. The first steps towards living in justice requires a person to acknowledge and take ownership of what is his responsibility in a situation and what is not. We are responsible for our feelings, beliefs, and actions. However, no one can control or own the feelings, beliefs, and actions of another. When one person wrongs another, the offended person can acknowledge how he felt wronged, by the other’s actions, and how that action influenced his belief about the other. The other has the ability to respond in his own manner, to either recognize or reject the proposed injustice.

  • Spiritual Temptations (dictate how God justice and mercy should work): The spiritual antidote to anger is faith. That is, faith that God in His love and justice will prevail, even if the situation does not play out how we would like. This takes a tremendous amount of trust, to surrender to God that which is out of your control. This is why one of the most effective applications of this spiritual antidote is in prayer, because it is only in prayer that we can offer our struggle up and let go of control. The most difficult thing to surrender to God, sometimes, is the freedom.

LONELINESS: Loneliness invokes the psychological defense of seeking to protect an individual from the possibility of rejection through either controlled isolation or superficial relationships. Both of these methods are typically surrounded by excessive compulsive behaviors as an effort to escape the sense of disconnection. The spiritual temptation is the belief that my being is so corrupted that no one, not even God, could ever empathize or advocate for me in my struggle. This results in isolation from God and from others, resulting in the most dangerous of all the temptations.


  • Psychological: The antidote is fortitude, the application of this virtue lies in the courage to be authentic and vulnerable in front of friends. This is not limited to only having emotional vulnerability, but also allowing oneself to simply be. It is important for psychological health to make sure that one has time to play and converse with others. Practically speaking, this could be having a card night with buddies, going out to the bar/coffee shop with friends, or reaching out to spend a night out with other lay faithful or priests. In these times, it does not have to be solely focused on sharing difficulties or hardships; however communicating these can help one confront their fear of rejection, rather than avoid it through the distraction of a vice.

  • Spiritual: The antidote is mercy. In order to practice this virtue, strength is required to share authentically with God and another the spiritual struggles that one is facing. One of the greatest fears we face as humans, is the fear of rejection, of being unacceptable to others, ourselves, and God. This can lead individuals to avoid sharing and opening up at all costs, in order to avoid this possible reality. This practice of opening up to God and other trusted individuals, can have a healing effect of mercy. The sacrament of reconciliation becomes a fundamental tool for helping us make this reality. The love of God calls us forward, not into shame, but rather into recalling who we are and what we are meant for, which is to be loved and to love.

TIRED: The psychological defense is seeking an escape from disapproval. This can manifest in two ways, the individual who is caught is avarice (avoids the task in order to avoid disapproval) or the individual who presents as a workaholic (avoids rest in order to avoid disapproval). In both scenarios, the individual is wrestling with perfectionism. The temptation is the belief that limitations and weaknesses, that keep me from perfection, are unacceptable to the Lord. This leads, as mentioned above, to either avarice or overexertion.


  • Psychological: The antidote is prudence, the ability to know when and how much to rest. This antidote requires an individual to assess and acknowledge his physical, mental, and spiritual limitations. Leisure and rest are crucial for recovering and restoring spent energy. Here it is important to be mindful of activities that do not merely alleviate/bring escape from our struggles, but rejuvenate us and restore us anew. Social media, tv, and youtube, are poor mediums in which to practice rest, because they serve to distract versus restore. Finding and practicing a hobby or being outdoors is a great way to develop and restore oneself, because one is able to rest from the day in order to give one’s mind and body a break from the tasks of the day. The second part of rest is accepting what can be accomplished through a striving effort, not a perfect effort. It is important to understand that what is accomplished is enough, even if it is not to your liking. On the other hand, if you struggle with overworking it is important to realize that what is accomplished is also enough, there is no need for it to be perfect. As Mother Theresa once said, I am not called to be successful, only to remain faithful [to my task at hand]”.

  • Spiritual Temptations: The antidote is hope, the ability to trust that God will bring to completion of the work yet finished. Fr. Mike Schimtz has an amazing talk on the importance of sleep and how getting to bed can be an act of trust in God. That is I entrust that you, oh Lord, will bring to completion that which has remained unfinished in the work I have done. Sometimes, the greatest form of rest is prayer, in particular prayer in which we allow ourselves to rest in the Father’s arms. Reminding ourselves that it is not our responsibility to make the parish counseling meeting go smoothly, or to get a huge attendance for parish events. It is not our role to convince others of the truth. Rather, it is one’s responsibility to love in the midst of the situation one is given, not the situation they wish they had been given. This requires that one humbly assess and acknowledge his limitations, not to serve as an excuse, but to remind one that he is merely mortal and it is God who accomplishes all things through the limitations of his servants. All he asked is that we submit ourselves to the plow, and on that day do our best to accomplish what he can, trusting that He will bring the work to completion through the messiness. Sometimes, the simplest way to live this out can be modeled from the prayer of John XXIII, “It’s your Church {Parish, Ministry, etc] God. I’m going to bed!”

Your Thoughts Lead the Way

By Irene Rowland, MS, LPC • September 16, 2025
We often have more control than we realize. I’m going to lead you through an exercise in order to illustrate this point. Visualize a tree with deep roots and a strong trunk leading up into beautiful branches and leaves. Oftentimes, we retain concepts better if we can see it mapped out. To that end, let’s do a little art therapy together and when you have completed your masterpiece, you can put it on your refrigerator or somewhere that you’ll notice it often: First draw a tree trunk with the roots showing. Under half of the roots write the word FEAR in dark, shaky, ominous looking letters. Under the other half of the roots write LOVE in happy looking handwriting (maybe pretty cursive if you dare). Vertically up the tree trunk write “thoughts/beliefs”. Now it’s time to add lots of branches, twigs, and leaves. Among these branches, add the wording “actions/behaviors” throughout the branches. If you are looking for extra credit, add a variety of nice healthy looking fruit and some rotting fruit with flies. Proverbs 4:23 states “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” In most circumstances, at the root of our thoughts is either fear or love. These thoughts then drive our actions and behaviors. Sometimes we are coming from a solid, healthy place and other times from a shaky, fear based place. This is worth looking at in order to grow more and more into the emotionally healthy individual we have the potential to become. All fear based thinking is not detrimental obviously. God created us with healthy fight or flight instincts for when we are in actual danger. This is of course a good thing. For purposes of learning how to live a more emotionally balanced life, we’re looking at thoughts that come from an unhealthy fear which could potentially drive behaviors and actions that don’t serve us well. Thoughts Drive Behavior There are ten top cognitive distortions. Let’s break this down a little. Cognitive means having to do with the brain. Distortions are things that are twisted, so basically cognitive distortions are twisted, unhealthy or irrational thoughts. We have more control over our lives if we operate from a place of clear, healthy, rational thoughts. Everyone experiences some of these types of thoughts so it’s good to know that it’s “normal”. It’s what we do with these thoughts that matters. Do we buy into the lie that we’ve told ourselves or do we remind ourselves of the truth? If you tracked these negative thoughts throughout the week, it would be surprising to see how often this happens. Let’s look at the top 10 cognitive distortions. They’re not in any particular order but we each have a pattern of our “favorites” that we default to when we engage in what some call “stinking thinking”. All or Nothing Thinking - also known as black and white thinking. Usually things in life aren’t 100% one way or the other and the truth is somewhere in between in the gray area. Words such as never and always fall into this category. The words usually, often and sometimes are probably more truthful in most circumstances. Overgeneralizing - an example would be seeing an event as a never-ending pattern. A student with good grades being concerned that they’re going to flunk a course because of one failing quiz grade is a good example of this. Mental Filter - dwelling on the negatives and ignoring the positives. When this happens, the mind dwells on the glass being half empty. This is not only discouraging for the person who chooses to live this way, but also makes it difficult for others to be around them often. Discounting Positives - an example is not giving any credit for that which is good in a person and only paying attention to what needs improvement. Jumping to Conclusions- the thoughts don’t always match the facts. There are subsets of this type of distorted thinking. One is Mind Reading when we assume we know what the other person is thinking for instance. This is a common relationship issue. We need to state what we have to say instead of believing the other person already knows. Fortune Telling also is a way that we oftentimes falsely decide that we know how something is going to happen. We all know those who have had something negative happen in the morning and then decide that this is going to be a bad day. Their negative thinking is usually what propels the rest of the day to be less than desirable. Their self-fulfilling prophesy informs how they choose to handle the rest of the day. Magnification and Minimization - making things larger or smaller than they actually are. We’ve all seen a mountain made out of a molehill or something huge being discounted as being trivial. Emotional Reasoning - letting feelings be regarded as truth such as I feel unworthy therefore I am. Should Statements - when we use should/should not, must, have to or similar language about ourselves or others, we are self-bullying or other bullying. An example would be if a person thought that as a good parent they have to read a bedtime story every night to their child. The truth is that as a good parent, they get to/are happy to read a story nightly but they could still be a good parent without imposing this on themselves. A parent with a migraine could let their child know that they’re not feeling well and will read two stories the next night and still fulfill their idea of being a good parent. Labeling -calling oneself a loser for instance because you made mistakes, instead of stating the truth that you made a mistake. Self-Blame and Other-Blame -taking on blame that isn’t rightfully all yours or blaming others when the fault lies partially with you also. All of these unhealthy ways of thinking can cause us to have inappropriate responses to life’s situations. When we have a negative thought, we need to slow down and ask ourselves if it’s legitimately true or have we exaggerated or added incorrect meaning to a situation. When we operate from a place of truth, our behaviors are going to be more sane, more productive, life-giving and fruitful. Knowledge is power. Now that you know, practice paying attention to your thoughts. If they are true, operate from that place for the best outcomes. If the thoughts are not truthful and therefore won’t serve you well, it’s time to regroup and remind yourself of what the actual truth is. It’s ok to have your initial thought be an unlovely, negative thought that’s untrue. What matters is what you do with it. Hopefully your response is to turn it around into the truth and proceed from there. Looking for cognitive distortions can be like a treasure hunt. Your response of countering with the truth is pure gold. If this exercise resonated with you, try repeating the “Thought Tree” once a day for a week and notice one cognitive distortion you catch—then practice swapping it for a truer, kinder thought. If you'd like help applying these tools in therapy, please contact visit Holy Family Counseling Center . If you ever feel overwhelmed or have thoughts of harming yourself, contact local emergency services or the 988 Lifeline immediately. Small shifts in how we think add up—you're not alone on this path to greater emotional health.

Strengthening Marriages: Therapy and the Catholic Vision of Sacramental Love

By Peter Attridge, PhD, LMFT • August 18, 2025
Marriage, within the Catholic tradition, is more than a civil contract; it is a sacred covenant—a sacrament that mirrors Christ's love for the Church. This divine institution calls couples to a life of mutual self-giving, fidelity, and openness to life. However, the journey of married life is not without its challenges. Even the most devout couples may encounter periods of difficulty, whether due to communication breakdowns, emotional distance, or external stresses. In such times, marriage therapy can serve as a beacon of hope, offering tools to rebuild and strengthen the marital bond. This article delves into the intersection of therapeutic practices and Catholic teachings, exploring how professional counseling can align with and enhance the sacramental understanding of marriage. The Catholic Understanding of Marriage At the heart of Catholic doctrine is the belief that marriage is a sacrament instituted by Christ. As outlined in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, "The marriage covenant, by which a man and a woman form with each other an intimate communion of life and love, has been founded and endowed with its own special laws by the Creator" . This covenant is characterized by three essential goods: unity, indissolubility, and openness to fertility.( Vatican , USCCB ) Unity Marriage unites a man and a woman into "one flesh," transcending individual desires to form a singular, harmonious partnership. This unity is not merely physical but encompasses emotional, spiritual, and intellectual dimensions. It calls for a deep, abiding connection that reflects the unity between Christ and His Church. Indissolubility The Catholic Church teaches that marriage is a lifelong commitment. Jesus' words, "What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder" (Mark 10:9), underscore the permanence of the marital bond. This indissolubility is not contingent upon circumstances but is a testament to the enduring nature of divine love.( St. Charles Borromeo ). Openness to Fertility Marriage, in its fullest sense, is ordered toward the procreation and education of children. The Catechism states, "Children are the supreme gift of marriage and contribute greatly to the good of the parents themselves" . Even couples who are unable to have children can live out this openness through acts of love, hospitality, and service.( Vatican ). The Role of Therapy in Strengthening Marriages While the sacramental understanding of marriage provides a spiritual framework, therapy offers practical tools to navigate the complexities of married life. Professional counseling can help couples address issues such as communication breakdowns, emotional disconnection, and external stresses. Therapists employ various modalities to assist couples in strengthening their relationship a few of which are included below: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) Developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, EFT is grounded in attachment theory and focuses on the emotional bond between partners. It aims to identify negative interaction patterns and replace them with positive cycles of interaction. EFT has been shown to be effective in treating relationship distress and fostering secure emotional bonds .( Verywell Mind ) The Gottman Method Based on extensive research by Drs. John and Julie Schwartz Gottman, this method emphasizes the importance of building a sound relationship foundation, managing conflict constructively, and creating shared meaning. It provides couples with practical tools to enhance communication and deepen intimacy .( Verywell Mind ). Imago Relationship Therapy Developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, Imago Therapy focuses on transforming conflict into healing opportunities. It encourages partners to understand each other's childhood wounds and how they influence current relationship dynamics. The therapy employs structured dialogues to promote empathy and understanding .( Verywell Mind ) Integrating Therapy with Catholic Teachings Therapy and Catholic teachings are not mutually exclusive; rather, they can complement each other in fostering a thriving marriage. Catholic couples can integrate therapeutic practices with their faith by: Engaging in Shared Prayer: Regular prayer together invites God's presence into the relationship, fostering spiritual intimacy. Participating in the Sacraments: Regular reception of the Eucharist and the Sacrament of Reconciliation strengthens the couple's bond and commitment. Living Out Catholic Values: Practicing virtues such as patience, kindness, and forgiveness aligns with both therapeutic principles and Catholic teachings. Seeking Pastoral Support: Engaging with a parish priest or spiritual director can provide guidance and support in living out the sacrament of marriage. By integrating therapy with Catholic teachings, couples can cultivate a deeper, more resilient, and more loving union that reflects God's own love. Marriage, as envisioned in the Catholic faith, is a sacred covenant that calls couples to live out a love that is self-giving, faithful, and open to life. While challenges are inevitable, therapy offers couples the tools to navigate these difficulties and strengthen their bond. By integrating therapeutic practices with Catholic teachings, couples can build a marriage that not only endures but thrives, becoming a testament to the love of Christ for His Church. Every relationship faces seasons of struggle, and seeking support is a sign of strength—not failure. Whether you're looking to improve communication, rebuild trust, or simply grow closer, we’re here to help. At Holy Family Counseling Center we offer couples therapy rooted in empathy, honesty, and proven tools to strengthen your connection. Reach out today and let’s work together to nurture your marriage.

Navigating Grief and Loss: Therapy and the Catholic Theology of Hope and Resurrection

By Peter Attridge, PhD, LMFT • August 15, 2025
Grief & Hope: Therapy and Catholic Teachings on Loss and Eternal Life Grief is something that touches all of us eventually. It may arrive suddenly with the death of a loved one, linger quietly through the end of a relationship, or follow the quiet disappointment of a long-held dream falling apart. Whatever the cause, the pain of loss often arrives uninvited and stays longer than we expect. It can leave us feeling like the ground beneath our feet has shifted, upending our sense of security, meaning, and identity. In these moments, therapy offers a way to make sense of the pain, to find meaning in suffering, and — slowly but surely — to begin healing. For people of faith, particularly within the Catholic tradition, grief is not something to be merely endured. It’s something that can be transformed through the lens of Christ’s death and resurrection. By combining psychological support with theological hope, the journey through grief can become not just a passage through sorrow, but also a path toward deeper love, connection, and peace. The Complexity of Grief: Not a Straight Line One of the most common misconceptions about grief is that it follows a predictable sequence. Many of us are familiar with the "five stages of grief" — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages, first introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, are helpful in recognizing the emotions involved in loss, but they’re not a strict roadmap. Real grief is messy (see our blog article here ). It doesn’t move in a straight line. Some days, you might feel like you’ve made peace with the loss; on others, a small memory can unravel you unexpectedly. Therapists understand this complexity. In therapy, you’re given a space to express the full range of your emotions without judgment. That in itself can be healing—being able to cry, vent, or sit silently and just be seen. Many therapists use grief specific approaches to help people understand the depth of their emotions and develop tools to cope. These approaches focus not only on processing the pain but also on exploring the significance of the relationship that was lost and the meaning that can still be drawn from it. For some, however, grief becomes more than sorrow. It becomes stuck. This form of suffering, often referred to as complicated grief or prolonged grief disorder (PGD), involves intense, long-lasting emotions that disrupt daily life and relationships. These symptoms can include persistent yearning, preoccupation with the loss, emotional numbness, or an inability to experience joy. When grief lingers and paralyzes rather than gradually integrates into life, therapy becomes not just helpful—it becomes essential. In these more complex cases, the goal is to help individuals accept the reality of their loss while reengaging with life in meaningful ways. It’s not about forgetting or moving on. It’s about learning to carry grief differently—to make space for both sorrow and hope. A Catholic Lens on Death, Loss, and What Comes After While therapy addresses the psychological and emotional dimensions of grief, Catholic theology speaks to the spiritual side of the experience. Our faith doesn’t deny the sorrow of death. It fully acknowledges the pain of separation, the weight of absence. But it also insists—gently but firmly—that death is not the final word. At the heart of our faith is the resurrection of Christ. This central truth shapes how Catholics understand death—not as an end, but as a passage to new life. In the Gospel of John, Jesus offers the words that echo across centuries: “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live” (John 11:25–26). These words are not a dismissal of grief; they are an anchor in the storm of sorrow, a promise that love is stronger than death. This belief is not just abstract theology. It’s woven into the very rituals that surround death. Catholic funeral rites, including the Vigil, the Funeral Mass, and the Rite of Committal, are structured to help mourners grieve, pray, and hope. The Mass of Christian Burial is both a farewell and a celebration. It entrusts the soul of the deceased to God’s mercy while comforting those left behind with prayers, Scripture, and the Eucharist—a visible sign of Christ’s victory over death. We also draw comfort from the communion of saints—the belief that the faithful, living and deceased, remain united in Christ. This sense of connection helps many people feel that their loved ones are not lost to them, but remain close in spirit, interceding and awaiting reunion in eternal life. It transforms the relationship, but it does not sever it. According to The Catholic Free Press, prayer during and after the funeral, the support of the faith community, and the hope of resurrection all contribute to easing the sting of grief. This hope doesn’t erase the sadness, but it surrounds it with meaning. Finding Healing in the Integration of Therapy and Faith What’s truly powerful is the way that therapy and faith can work together in times of loss. You don’t have to choose between the two. In fact, integrating both can offer the most comprehensive support. Therapy provides the space to wrestle with painful emotions, while faith gives language to mystery, sorrow, and redemption. Some therapists incorporate a client’s spiritual beliefs directly into the therapeutic process. A Catholic might be invited to reflect on Scripture, to write a letter to their loved one as a form of prayer, or to explore the concept of redemptive suffering—that even in our pain, we are united with Christ. These spiritual practices can offer comfort and a sense of sacredness during a time that might otherwise feel chaotic and empty. Faith can also inspire action in grief. Many people find healing in honoring their loved one through acts of love and service—volunteering, creating something meaningful, or simply continuing traditions that keep memories alive. These acts don’t make the grief go away, but they help reframe it as something that can shape your life with beauty and purpose. Community plays a vital role here too. Being part of a parish, attending grief support groups, or simply leaning on trusted friends in faith can make an incredible difference. Shared prayer, communal rituals, and simply being around others who “get it” can bring relief that is both emotional and spiritual. Moving Through Grief Toward New Life It’s important to remember that healing doesn’t mean forgetting. Love doesn’t end when someone dies. It changes form. Grief is a sign of love, and love, in the Catholic tradition, is eternal. This perspective is beautifully echoed in the words of St. Augustine: “If you knew the gift of God and what heaven is... wipe away your tears and weep no more if you love me” ( Our Sunday Visitor ). These aren’t instructions to suppress sorrow, but reminders that death is not the end of the story. When we allow ourselves to grieve fully, supported by therapy and guided by faith, we begin to see how grief itself can be transformed. It doesn’t go away, but it becomes lighter, more manageable. It makes room for joy again, for connection, and for a deeper appreciation of the people still present in our lives. In time, those who grieve may find themselves living not in spite of loss, but in honor of it—carrying forward the love they received, guided by the hope of eternal reunion, and strengthened by the compassionate tools of therapy and the enduring promises of their faith. Final Reflection Grief will never be easy, but it can be holy. It can be a time of brokenness and also of deep transformation. With the help of compassionate therapists and the enduring light of Catholic hope, it is possible to find meaning, peace, and even renewal in the shadow of loss. You don’t have to go through this alone. Whether it’s sitting with a therapist, lighting a candle at Mass, whispering a prayer through tears, or simply reaching out to someone who understands—every small step matters. Together, therapy and Catholic theology remind us that grief is not a sign of weakness or failure. It is a testament to love. And love, in the end, is what endures. Healing begins with connection—and taking the first step can be the hardest part. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, stuck, or simply curious about how therapy could help, we invite you to connect with us at Holy Family Counseling Center. Our team is here to listen, support, and walk alongside you with care and intention. Send us a message or give us a call—we’re ready when you are.