Finding Meaning in Suffering: Therapy and the Catholic Understanding of the Cross

Peter Attridge, PhD, LMFT

As a therapist, I often find myself sitting across from individuals grappling with the raw, unsettling reality of suffering. It’s an undeniable aspect of the human condition, isn't it? Whether it emerges from the searing pain of loss, the relentless grip of illness, the sting of injustice, or the quiet battles waged within our own hearts, suffering has a way of leaving us feeling adrift, hopeless, and questioning the very fabric of our existence. In my practice, I’ve witnessed countless times how people search for a beacon of meaning in these darkest of hours. And what a privilege it is to walk alongside them, guiding them not only with the insights of modern psychology but also with the profound wisdom of our Catholic faith, drawing upon the transformative power of the Cross.


The Therapist’s Lens: Holding Space for Pain and Cultivating Meaning

When someone walks into my office, burdened by suffering, my first and most sacred task is to simply be there. To create a safe, supportive space where they can unpack the heavy emotional and psychological impact of what they're enduring. It's a space free of judgment, where tears are welcome, and anger, fear, and despair can be expressed without shame.


In the world of therapy, we have a number of powerful approaches that specifically address these deep questions of meaning and purpose in the face of adversity. Take, for instance, Existential Therapy. This approach, at its heart, is about helping individuals confront the inherent anxieties of existence – the big questions about life, death, freedom, isolation, and meaning. It doesn’t shy away from the harsh realities of suffering but rather encourages clients to lean into these experiences, to find agency and responsibility in their response (Yalom, 1980). We explore their values, asking: "What truly matters to you? What principles guide your life, especially when things are falling apart?" It’s in identifying these core values that a sense of purpose can begin to emerge, even amidst the chaos.


Then there's Meaning-Centered Psychotherapy, which builds directly on these ideas. Here, the focus is more explicitly on helping individuals discover or rediscover sources of meaning in their lives. This isn't about imposing meaning; it's about helping the person unearth what genuinely resonates with their spirit. It might be through creative expression, service to others, cultivating relationships, or simply by the attitude they choose to adopt in the face of unavoidable suffering (Frankl, 2006). We work on developing coping strategies that don't just numb the pain but actively foster resilience. We learn to sit with discomfort, to process grief in all its messy stages, to manage chronic pain, and to find ways to adapt to circumstances that may never fully resolve.


As a therapist, I see my role as an illumination – shining a light on the pathways to healing and adaptation. We explore past wounds, identify unhelpful thought patterns, and build healthier emotional regulation skills. It's about empowering the individual, helping them to find their own internal resources and strengths to navigate their journey. But for me, as a Catholic, there's always another layer, a deeper truth that informs my understanding of suffering.


The Catholic Heart: The Transformative Power of the Cross

This is where the profound beauty of our Catholic faith truly comes into play. While therapy provides invaluable tools for how to cope, Catholicism offers a unique, profound perspective on why we suffer and what purpose that suffering can ultimately serve. It’s through the lens of the Cross that we begin to understand.


Think of Jesus Christ. He, who was innocent, blameless, and divine, willingly embraced suffering, humiliation, and death. And He did it not because suffering is inherently good, but out of an unfathomable, redemptive love for humanity. His Passion and Death weren't just a historical event; they were a profound act of self-giving that fundamentally transformed suffering itself. It shifted it from a seemingly meaningless burden into a potential source of redemption, a path to deeper union with God (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1997).


I often share with my clients the words of St. Paul from his Letter to the Romans (5:3-5), words that resonate so deeply with the Christian experience: "And not only so, but we glory also in tribulations, knowing that tribulation worketh patience: And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope confoundeth not: because the charity of God is poured forth in our hearts, by the Holy Ghost, who is given to us. (Romans 5:3-5, Douay-Rheims translation).


This isn't a call to masochism, nor does it mean we should ever seek out pain. Our God is a God of love, and He desires our flourishing, not our misery. The Catholic understanding of "redemptive suffering" means that when we, in our humility and faith, unite our own trials with Christ’s suffering on the Cross, our difficulties can take on a new, sacred meaning and purpose (Pope John Paul II, 1984).


This union can manifest in many ways. It might involve offering our struggles, our headaches, our disappointments, our grief, or our chronic pain for the intentions of others – for the souls in purgatory, for a sick friend, for a struggling family member, for the salvation of the world. It’s a profound act of love, turning our own suffering outwards in solidarity with others and with Christ.


Through this process, we often find ourselves growing in unexpected ways. We cultivate compassion and empathy for those who also suffer, recognizing our shared humanity. We become less self-absorbed and more attuned to the needs of others. Our faith deepens as we lean more heavily on God's grace, realizing our own limitations and His boundless strength. It’s a paradox: in embracing our weakness and vulnerability, we find true spiritual strength.


Echoes of Hope: The Lives of the Saints

Sometimes, when a client feels utterly overwhelmed and questions how anyone could possibly endure what they are experiencing, I turn to the stories of the saints. Their lives are powerful testaments to the human capacity for finding profound meaning in the midst of unimaginable trials.


Consider the unwavering faith of St. Thérèse of Lisieux, who endured profound spiritual darkness and physical suffering in her final years, yet clung to her "little way" of love and trust, offering every discomfort to God. Or St. Padre Pio, who bore the visible wounds of Christ in the stigmata, living a life of constant physical pain yet pouring out spiritual guidance and healing to countless souls. Think of St. Maximilian Kolbe, who offered his life in exchange for another in a concentration camp, an ultimate act of self-giving love rooted in his faith.


These aren't just historical figures; they are companions on our journey. Their stories remind us that even in the darkest valleys, God’s grace is sufficient to sustain us. They show us that suffering, when united with Christ, can indeed become a crucible for holiness, bringing forth spiritual growth and a deeper union with God that transcends earthly understanding. Their lives offer a profound witness to the truth that suffering, while never desired, can be transformed into a source of enduring hope.

 

Weaving the Threads: Therapy and Faith in Harmony

So, how do I, as a Catholic therapist, weave these threads together in my practice? It’s not about choosing one over the other, but rather seeing them as complementary paths leading to holistic healing and deeper meaning.


When a client is experiencing intense grief, for example, we'll use therapeutic techniques to process the emotions: validating their sadness, acknowledging the pain of loss, and helping them develop healthy coping mechanisms. We might explore the stages of grief, identify triggers, and work on rebuilding a life after loss. But alongside this, if they are open to it, we can explore the spiritual dimension of their grief. We can talk about the hope of resurrection, the communion of saints, and how their love for the departed can continue, transformed by prayer and intercession. We can explore how God is present even in the deepest sorrow, holding them in their pain.


Similarly, if someone is struggling with chronic illness and the limitations it imposes, therapy can help them adjust to their new reality, manage frustration, and prevent isolation. We can work on cognitive reframing – changing negative thought patterns – and finding new ways to engage with life and purpose. From a Catholic perspective, we can also discuss how their illness, though difficult, can be offered as a prayer, how it can be a means of drawing closer to Christ in His suffering, and how it can be a source of grace for others. We can explore the idea of finding joy in small moments, of radiating peace even amidst discomfort, and of trusting in God's plan even when it's unclear.


The beauty of integrating therapy with Catholic principles is that it offers a truly holistic approach. Psychotherapy helps us understand our human nature – our emotions, our thoughts, our behaviors, and our relationships – and provides practical strategies for navigating life's challenges. It helps us to heal past wounds, build resilience, and live more fully in the present moment. The Catholic faith, on the other hand, provides the ultimate context for our suffering, infusing it with divine meaning, offering hope that transcends earthly limitations, and connecting us to something far greater than ourselves.


The Journey of Meaning

Ultimately, the journey of finding meaning in suffering is a deeply personal one. It’s not about denying the pain or sugarcoating hardship. It's about acknowledging the reality of suffering, bravely facing its challenges, and then, with the help of both therapeutic wisdom and the grace of God, discovering the seeds of hope, growth, and even joy that can blossom within it.


As a Catholic therapist, my greatest hope for my clients is that they leave my office not just with coping skills, but with a renewed sense of purpose and an abiding conviction that even in their darkest hours, they are not alone. That Christ is with them, carrying their burdens, and that their suffering, when united with His, can become a profound source of meaning, bringing them closer to God and transforming them into vessels of His love for the world. It’s a challenging path, yes, but it’s a path that ultimately leads to true healing, enduring hope, and a deeper encounter with the unconditional love of God.


If anything in this post resonated with you, know that you don’t have to navigate it alone. At Holy Family Counseling Center, we’re here to support you with compassionate, evidence-based care tailored to your unique story. Whether you're just starting to explore therapy or ready to take the next step, we’d love to talk. Reach out today to schedule a free consultation or ask any questions—we’re here to help.



References:

Catechism of the Catholic Church. (1997). Part One, Section Two, Chapter Two, Article 4, Paragraph 618. Libreria Editrice Vaticana.

Frankl, V. E. (2006). Man's Search for Meaning. Beacon Press. (Original work published 1946).

Pope John Paul II. (1984). Salvifici Doloris (On the Christian Meaning of Human Suffering). Libreria Editrice Vaticana.

Romans 5:3-5 (New American Bible Revised Edition).

Yalom, I. D. (1980). Existential Psychotherapy. Basic Books.

When and How to Make Amends: Discernment, Boundaries, and the Catholic Call to Healing

By Peter Attridge, PhD • November 11, 2025
As a Catholic therapist, I often sit with clients who are wrestling with a deeply human question: When is it the right time to make amends ? Whether it’s reaching out to someone who has hurt them, or considering their own responsibility in a fractured relationship, the process of healing often leads us into the tender territory of reconciliation. But forgiveness and reconciliation aren’t the same thing. Forgiveness is something we’re called to offer freely—an act of the will that releases resentment and gives us peace, even when the other person hasn’t apologized. Reconciliation, on the other hand, is a step that involves two people. And discerning when—or even if—that step should be taken requires wisdom, prayer, and often, boundaries. Let’s explore how we can approach this process with care and courage, supported by both therapeutic tools and the richness of our Catholic faith. Discerning the Right Time to Make Amends Discernment is a familiar concept in Catholic life. We use it to seek God's will in big decisions—vocations, careers, relationships. But it’s just as important in the smaller, more personal moments too, like choosing when to reach out to someone who has hurt us, or someone we may have hurt. Therapy can be a valuable space for this kind of discernment. Sometimes the desire to make amends comes from a sincere place of healing and readiness. Other times, it may be driven by guilt, pressure, or a longing for closure that the other person may not be able to give. In our sessions, I often help clients explore their motivations. Are you seeking peace, or permission? Healing, or validation? Discernment is about honesty—with yourself, with God, and with your emotional limits. St. Ignatius of Loyola offers a helpful framework for discernment rooted in prayerful reflection, noticing the movements of the heart. If the thought of reconciliation brings a sense of peace, courage, and compassion, it may be time. If it stirs anxiety, dread, or a sense of obligation, it may be wise to wait, or to approach things differently. The Role of Boundaries in Forgiveness and Healing One of the most common misconceptions I hear, especially among people of faith, is that setting boundaries is somehow un-Christian. But in truth, boundaries are acts of love —toward ourselves and others. They help define what is safe, respectful, and life-giving in a relationship. Forgiveness does not mean allowing someone to continue harming us. Christ calls us to forgive, yes, even “seventy times seven” times (Matthew 18:22), but He does not call us to abandon prudence or endure abuse. Remember, even Jesus withdrew from hostile crowds at times (John 10:39), and He taught that reconciliation involves both repentance and change (Luke 17:3-4). In therapy, we often work on developing “healthy boundaries” that allow us to engage with others from a place of strength and safety. For example, it’s okay to forgive a parent for past wounds without allowing them to manipulate your present life. It’s okay to love a sibling from a distance if closeness continues to result in harm. And it’s okay to hope for reconciliation without forcing it to happen. Boundaries are not walls; they are gates. They give us the freedom to let people in—but only when it is healthy and appropriate to do so. Making Amends with Compassion and Clarity If and when the time does come to make amends, whether as the person extending forgiveness or the one asking for it, approaching the conversation with humility and clarity is essential. We can take inspiration from the Sacrament of Reconciliation, where the process of confession involves examining our conscience, naming our sins, expressing true contrition, and receiving both forgiveness and guidance. Similarly, when making amends in our personal lives, we begin by acknowledging what happened—not defensively, but honestly. We share how the situation has affected us. We listen. We don’t demand immediate restoration, but we open the door to it. And sometimes, we might take that step and find that the other person isn’t ready. Or they respond with defensiveness, denial, or more harm. That’s when we return to our boundaries. Forgiveness is still possible, but reconciliation may need to remain a hope rather than a present reality. Spiritual Guidance Along the Way Throughout this process, our faith can be an anchor. Prayer becomes a conversation with the God who knows every wound and walks with us through every step of healing. The saints offer examples of both radical forgiveness and wise discernment. St. Monica, for instance, teaches us about perseverance in love and prayer without enabling harmful behavior. St. Maria Goretti’s story is often cited for her forgiveness, but we also remember her clarity in saying no to harm. And of course, the Sacraments nourish us. Receiving the Eucharist strengthens us to love like Christ. Confession helps us experience God’s mercy, so we can extend it more freely to others. Spiritual direction can also be helpful when navigating complex relationships and emotional burdens through a faith-based lens. Trusting the Slow Work of Healing Making amends and setting boundaries aren’t one-time decisions. They are part of an ongoing, unfolding process of healing. We may feel ready one day and hesitant the next. That’s okay. Forgiveness is not linear, and relationships—especially broken ones—rarely heal overnight. But I’ve seen firsthand the beauty that emerges when people engage in this work with courage. When they honor both their pain and their desire for peace. When they protect their hearts with boundaries, but still remain open to love. And when they trust that, even if reconciliation is not possible now, it may one day be—with God’s grace. In Conclusion If you’re in the midst of wrestling with whether to make amends, take heart. It’s not an easy decision, and it doesn’t have to be rushed. Therapy can offer tools and support. Your faith can offer wisdom and hope. And both can help you move forward with peace. Forgiveness will always be a part of the journey. But reconciliation? That’s something we discern, with prayer and prudence. And no matter where you land—whether you reach out, stay silent, or hold space from afar—you are not alone in the journey. If you haven’t yet read Part One of this series, I encourage you to explore the foundations of forgiveness and healing in both therapy and Catholic tradition. That post dives into the inner process of releasing pain and embracing God’s mercy—a powerful first step before considering reconciliation. May you be filled with gentleness, wisdom, and the peace that comes from the One who forgave us first. Forgiveness can feel impossible at times—but it’s also one of the most healing gifts we can give ourselves. If you're carrying the weight of resentment or hurt and feel ready to explore a path toward release and peace, therapy can help. At Holy Family Counseling Center , we create a safe space to process the past, understand your emotions, and move forward with intention. Connect with us when you're ready—we’re here to walk that path with you.

The Gift of Forgiveness: Healing Relationships Through Therapy and God's Mercy

By Peter Attridge, PhD • October 27, 2025
Forgiveness & Healing: Therapy and Catholic Perspectives on Reconciliation

Your Thoughts Lead the Way

By Irene Rowland, MS, LPC • September 16, 2025
We often have more control than we realize. I’m going to lead you through an exercise in order to illustrate this point. Visualize a tree with deep roots and a strong trunk leading up into beautiful branches and leaves. Oftentimes, we retain concepts better if we can see it mapped out. To that end, let’s do a little art therapy together and when you have completed your masterpiece, you can put it on your refrigerator or somewhere that you’ll notice it often: First draw a tree trunk with the roots showing. Under half of the roots write the word FEAR in dark, shaky, ominous looking letters. Under the other half of the roots write LOVE in happy looking handwriting (maybe pretty cursive if you dare). Vertically up the tree trunk write “thoughts/beliefs”. Now it’s time to add lots of branches, twigs, and leaves. Among these branches, add the wording “actions/behaviors” throughout the branches. If you are looking for extra credit, add a variety of nice healthy looking fruit and some rotting fruit with flies. Proverbs 4:23 states “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” In most circumstances, at the root of our thoughts is either fear or love. These thoughts then drive our actions and behaviors. Sometimes we are coming from a solid, healthy place and other times from a shaky, fear based place. This is worth looking at in order to grow more and more into the emotionally healthy individual we have the potential to become. All fear based thinking is not detrimental obviously. God created us with healthy fight or flight instincts for when we are in actual danger. This is of course a good thing. For purposes of learning how to live a more emotionally balanced life, we’re looking at thoughts that come from an unhealthy fear which could potentially drive behaviors and actions that don’t serve us well. Thoughts Drive Behavior There are ten top cognitive distortions. Let’s break this down a little. Cognitive means having to do with the brain. Distortions are things that are twisted, so basically cognitive distortions are twisted, unhealthy or irrational thoughts. We have more control over our lives if we operate from a place of clear, healthy, rational thoughts. Everyone experiences some of these types of thoughts so it’s good to know that it’s “normal”. It’s what we do with these thoughts that matters. Do we buy into the lie that we’ve told ourselves or do we remind ourselves of the truth? If you tracked these negative thoughts throughout the week, it would be surprising to see how often this happens. Let’s look at the top 10 cognitive distortions. They’re not in any particular order but we each have a pattern of our “favorites” that we default to when we engage in what some call “stinking thinking”. All or Nothing Thinking - also known as black and white thinking. Usually things in life aren’t 100% one way or the other and the truth is somewhere in between in the gray area. Words such as never and always fall into this category. The words usually, often and sometimes are probably more truthful in most circumstances. Overgeneralizing - an example would be seeing an event as a never-ending pattern. A student with good grades being concerned that they’re going to flunk a course because of one failing quiz grade is a good example of this. Mental Filter - dwelling on the negatives and ignoring the positives. When this happens, the mind dwells on the glass being half empty. This is not only discouraging for the person who chooses to live this way, but also makes it difficult for others to be around them often. Discounting Positives - an example is not giving any credit for that which is good in a person and only paying attention to what needs improvement. Jumping to Conclusions- the thoughts don’t always match the facts. There are subsets of this type of distorted thinking. One is Mind Reading when we assume we know what the other person is thinking for instance. This is a common relationship issue. We need to state what we have to say instead of believing the other person already knows. Fortune Telling also is a way that we oftentimes falsely decide that we know how something is going to happen. We all know those who have had something negative happen in the morning and then decide that this is going to be a bad day. Their negative thinking is usually what propels the rest of the day to be less than desirable. Their self-fulfilling prophesy informs how they choose to handle the rest of the day. Magnification and Minimization - making things larger or smaller than they actually are. We’ve all seen a mountain made out of a molehill or something huge being discounted as being trivial. Emotional Reasoning - letting feelings be regarded as truth such as I feel unworthy therefore I am. Should Statements - when we use should/should not, must, have to or similar language about ourselves or others, we are self-bullying or other bullying. An example would be if a person thought that as a good parent they have to read a bedtime story every night to their child. The truth is that as a good parent, they get to/are happy to read a story nightly but they could still be a good parent without imposing this on themselves. A parent with a migraine could let their child know that they’re not feeling well and will read two stories the next night and still fulfill their idea of being a good parent. Labeling -calling oneself a loser for instance because you made mistakes, instead of stating the truth that you made a mistake. Self-Blame and Other-Blame -taking on blame that isn’t rightfully all yours or blaming others when the fault lies partially with you also. All of these unhealthy ways of thinking can cause us to have inappropriate responses to life’s situations. When we have a negative thought, we need to slow down and ask ourselves if it’s legitimately true or have we exaggerated or added incorrect meaning to a situation. When we operate from a place of truth, our behaviors are going to be more sane, more productive, life-giving and fruitful. Knowledge is power. Now that you know, practice paying attention to your thoughts. If they are true, operate from that place for the best outcomes. If the thoughts are not truthful and therefore won’t serve you well, it’s time to regroup and remind yourself of what the actual truth is. It’s ok to have your initial thought be an unlovely, negative thought that’s untrue. What matters is what you do with it. Hopefully your response is to turn it around into the truth and proceed from there. Looking for cognitive distortions can be like a treasure hunt. Your response of countering with the truth is pure gold. If this exercise resonated with you, try repeating the “Thought Tree” once a day for a week and notice one cognitive distortion you catch—then practice swapping it for a truer, kinder thought. If you'd like help applying these tools in therapy, please contact contact us at 678-993-8494 or visit Holy Family Counseling Center . If you ever feel overwhelmed or have thoughts of harming yourself, contact local emergency services or the 988 Lifeline immediately. Small shifts in how we think add up—you're not alone on this path to greater emotional health.